I once had a life, or rather, life had me. I was one among many or at least I seemed to be....


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It's just business.
Wednesday, Apr. 25, 2007 12:12 AM

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first." - Mark Twain [Samuel Langhornne Clemens] (1835-1910)

There is so much I want to write about but I don't think I can fit it all into one entry. I suppose I could try, though.

For starters, I started another blog site where I've posted just my poetry. I'm hoping to get back into the creative vibe of things again because I really miss writing. I came across this site where this man posted only poetry. It was a bit inspiring because it made me want to make a site just like that. My poems right now are way out of order, but now that I have this site, they can be posted in order as they come to me. And hopefully they come to me again.

The Site

Enjoy! I've taken over the name Angelina Mia as my pen name there. I'm sure Davy loves that! :)

I have felt a bit anxious lately, and it's been upsetting my stomach big time. I think this is why:

Two weeks ago I felt very cramped in my office. I shared an office with my cousin and we had way too much furniture in there. So I did what I thought I could do. I rearranged the desks to give us more room. Before we were banging into each other. With the new arrangement, we had a lot of room to move around.

Problem is, the computer desk was set against the wall where people could look into the office and see what's on the computer screen. This doesn't bother me since I could care less if people at work see me randomly chatting on yahoo messenger. I figure that as long as I do my work and put it first, I should be okay. I even have a little message at the top that says "working" so the people on yahoo know I may not respond right away. However, it really seems to bother my cousin. She told me over the phone last week that she doesn't like people watching her on the computer.

Last week I was seriously ill. Well, maybe not seriously ill, but I did have a really bad cold that lasted an entire week. I was out of the office until Wednesday evening, and when I returned to the office that evening I found my desk turned catty corner so that the computer wasn't viewable from the doorway. No problems, right? Well, except that it was in the way of my very important file cabinet that I need to access every day at work, so I pushed the desk back the way I had it before thinking to myself that we'd just arrange the office again to suit both of us once I felt better. I even said to her specifically on the phone Tuesday night, "When I feel better, we'll figure out a way to lay out the room for both of us. Until then, let's just leave it like it is." She didn't protest.

When I went into work on Wednesday and found the desk catty cornered, I figured that with our conversation on Tuesday, she wouldn't mind if I put it back the way it was since I would be at work on Thursday all day and on the computer. Thursday morning I had a doctors appointment but I made it into the office about 9:30 AM. I veer around the corner into my office only to find that she's moved my very important file cabinet to the very middle of the room where it was being blocked by one of the desks so I couldn't even get into it. She had also moved the computer desk against the wall where nobody could see what she was doing. Now, remember, I was sick. I had just gotten back from the doctors office where I had been poked and prodded by a needle so the doctor's office could withdraw a vial of blood from my body... so when I veered around that corner, my reaction was this, "Noooooooo!" It even came out very hoarse sounding and raspy.

I then put my stuff down on the floor near the door because the file cabinet was blocking the other desk (the one without a computer on it), and went back to Brian's office to ask him to help me move the file cabinet so I could get to work. The file cabinet is pretty heavy. How my cousin moved it is beyond me, but whatever. Anyhow, when I went back to the office, I said to her, "All I asked was that we hold off on moving any of the furniture until I feel better. When I feel better, we can rearrange the office so that we're both happy with it." Her response was, "And all I asked was that the computer isn't up against a wall where people can see the monitor." I said, "well, we can figure out a way to fix this later. For right now, we need to push the desk further to the side so the file cabinet can get out of the way." She said, "You know, it's not always about you! I told you I have a problem with my peripheral vision." She then grabbed all of her stuff, threw a bit of a fit and took off to the other side of the building.

Brian came over to my office later on and we decided to set it up the way it was again for the time being. I agonized the rest of the day over how to arrange the desks so that she was happy and I was happy. All I could think about, however, was how much I needed the computer, how much she needed a computer, and how we weren't doing well utilizing one computer between the two of us. I imagined the office with two computers, but the desks would still have to be set up in a way that wouldn't allow her to be happy with that arrangement. Where the company had placed the outlets was along the wall where I had placed the desk.

Well, then I decided the best option was to ask Brian for one desk and give the two desks to the future geology interns who are coming this summer. Where would that leave Esther? Well, since she currently wasn't speaking to me and was off using Brad's office, it would leave her where she was at. I approached Brian with my dilemma and I told him that I needed applicable workspace in order to get my job done, and that I also needed a computer that wasn't being shared between two people because a lot of my work is done on the computer. He thought about it over the weekend and decided to have me go buy myself an L shape desk for my office.

Well, the desk was delivered today. I haven't spoken a word to my cousin since Thursday when she stormed out of my office. She noticed the new desk and started slamming file cabinet drawers. I knew then she was upset. I would have told her about what was going on had she not been ignoring me, but I figured she needed time to blow off steam or something. She did come into my office later and ask, "is there anything else of mine in here?" I said, "Not that I know of." And then she stormed off. She came back again later on just to say, "I am speechless!" She looked like she was going to cry, too. And she walked across the other side of the office building hollaring, "Just utterly speechless!"

So now I'm agonizing over the fact that I have done something to hurt her emotionally when that wasn't my intention at all. I know that it's pretty petty that I'm receiving the silent treatment from her just because of a computer desk, but I have also learned the hard way how you have to learn to keep your emotions separate from your work. I haven't said anything to her yet because I don't want to make the situation worse between us.

This is my frame of mind: I'm almost 30. What have I done for myself in the last 10 years to prove myself as an adult to people? How have my actions in the past hindered people's ability to take me seriously? If I want respect from people, I need to learn to approach things from a different viewpoint. I also need to separate emotion from work. The biggest change I need to make is viewing my dad and Brian not as family members but as my employers.

The thing is, I also need things to be a certain way so that I can do my job in a professional way, and unfortunately, having my own desk with a computer is the way it has to be. I want to be on equal ground with my other coworkers. For me to receive equal treatment means that I need my own work space.

It's my office. I feel that I have been very patient and kind sharing it with my cousin over the past two years, especially since I never complained when she was busy doing school work on the computer instead of actual work when I needed the computer for work related purposes. I am a full time employee. She is part time. I am not an intern. She is. I am suppsed to be a working adult seeing this position as my current career. How can I do that when I can't do my job properly?

Cory gave me some good advice. When and if anybody brings it up, even if it's my cousin, I need to respond to them, "It's not personal. It's business." And that's exactly what it is. It's not personal. It's just business.

In 19 Seconds

Last Five Entries:

Life Update - Tuesday, May. 21, 2019
I had an epiphany! - Wednesday, Jan. 16, 2019
2019 Resolutions - Wednesday, Jan. 09, 2019
To New Beginnings - Tuesday, Jan. 08, 2019
My Christmas Weekend 2018 - Wednesday, Dec. 26, 2018


Other Diaries:

candikurlz | catsoul | cocoabean | curious-me
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starkitten01 | Zenayda | jnw77 <-- My old Diary


You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

- Dr. Seuss