I once had a life, or rather, life had me. I was one among many or at least I seemed to be....


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Moving On
Thursday, Jun. 14, 2007 3:12 PM

"Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." - Carl Jung

Shawn is gone. At least I think he is. I have deleted him from my cell phone and he's no longer on my My Space account.

I don't know why I even try.

Maybe because I actually think so and so could be the one.

I'm finding it very difficult to find somebody worth spending the rest of my life with.

I don't even understand why I'm so worried about it, let alone wanting it. Perhaps it's human nature. That's the only explanation I can come up with. I just wish it wasn't human nature. Life would be a lot simpler if all of us weren't out there looking for someone to complete us.

Those of us who all ready have that person are the lucky ones. And they all say, "Oh, it just happened." or "It'll happen when you least expect it." But what if it doesn't? What if it doesn't happen?

Sure, Shawn just fell into my lap for awhile but he was completely wrong for me.

I tried to give him a chance. I met up with him more than once because I thought that maybe I'd get to know him better and like him more. Instead, the stuff I found out about him wasn't what I want in a man.

He has three children. I tried to look past this because I know you can't judge a man by whether he has kids or not with another woman.

He smokes and I'm allergic to it.

He cusses more than normal. I could never take a man home to meet my parents when every other word out of his mouth is either shit or fuck.

He doesn't care for cats and I love my two. He actually shoved Haley in the face one night when she was annoying him. If he can shove her in the face, what could he do to me? He also threatened to shoot his neighbors cats, and I think he actually will someday.

He's selfish. When we had sex and I didn't cum, he said, "At least I got off."

He owns a gun. I'm not tolerant of guns in my household. If other people want to own them, that's fine. I just won't allow them to be stored anywhere within my vicinity.

He's stupid. He either actually did this or he made up the story, but according to him his gun fell off the fireplace mantel and when he went to grab it, it went off. He shot himself straight through the hand. What if his children had been home and he accidently shot them instead?

He has a huge chip on his shoulder, and a lot of baggage to deal with and get rid of. If he's not bitching about his greedy family, he's bitching about his ex-wife and ex-girlfriends. He's probably bitching to somebody about me right now.

He's always trying to prove something. Macho men are nice sometimes, but all the time? No.

I think that's about it, really. It was enough to settle the debate going on inside my head.

I gave it a try. It didn't work out. It's time to move on.

If it's time to move on and he's obviously wrong for me, then why am I having such a hard time letting go?

In 19 Seconds

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Life Update - Tuesday, May. 21, 2019
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2019 Resolutions - Wednesday, Jan. 09, 2019
To New Beginnings - Tuesday, Jan. 08, 2019
My Christmas Weekend 2018 - Wednesday, Dec. 26, 2018


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You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

- Dr. Seuss