Kansas City Weekend
Monday, Jun. 25, 2007 12:53 PM

"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else." - Woody Allen

Thursday night crawled around. I found myself sitting on the red leather couch in my living room wondering what I was going to do with my weekend. I had two options. I could sit at home and do absolutely nothing or I could go to Lake Afton with Tim #1.

(Tim #1? I call him that because he was the first Tim to be added to my My Space. He and Tim #2 both continue to ask me out. I have to keep track of them somehow.)

Part of me was hesitant to go to Lake Afton with Tim #1. Why? Well, I didn't even know where Lake Afton was to begin with, and to top it off, I don't own a swimsuit. Well, I'm sure I own a swimsuit. I just don't know where it's at and if it still fits me. Having a first date with a man in a swimsuit is bad enough as it is, so I was going to veto Lake Afton. But how could I veto Lake Afton if I didn't have a good enough excuse?

That's when it hit me. I called up my friend Carrie and I asked her what she was doing for the weekend. I ended up driving 3.5 hours up to the Kansas City area to spend some time with my old college roommate.

Friday night we hung out at a restaurant called Houlihans. While we ate dinner, a car was hi-jacked one block away. We didn't even hear the screeching of the tires or the gun shot. This was odd since we were sitting out on the patio for the evening. We found out about the whole thing the next day when Carrie talked to her mother on the phone.

On Saturday we went shopping at some mall near Shawnee Mission. I was tempted to call Ryan S. to come meet up with us, but what man really wants to hang out with a bunch of girls who are out shopping? I thought about calling just to say hello, but didn't want to call up for a short winded conversation when we haven't spoken on the phone with one another in eons.

Anyhow, we hit a few stores but none of them were my type of stores. You see, Carrie and I are built differently. She has no curves and is able to dress in clothes that are sold in the junior section of every department store. I, on the other hand, have to shop in the women's section. I'm not complaining about that. I love my curves. I'm just starting to notice that all of the fashionable clothing lines taylor to women who have the body of a ten year old boy. It's one thing to be a skinny woman. It's another thing to be a skinny woman whose sole purpose in life is to be so skinny that you barely have a body. I'd like to say this doesn't depress me, but it does. We walked into about five different stores and I knew I couldn't wear a single one of their pieces so I didn't even try.

We ended up eating lunch at Cheeseburger's in Paradise. I ordered the Cheeseburger in Paradise minus the cheese. The waitress looked at me funny, but it was the only burger on the menu that came with all the normal toppings. When they delivered it to me, it was covered in cheese. I was like, "I asked for no cheese." One thing I can't stand on my hamburger is cheese. Cheese and ketchup. I can't stand ketchup either. I'm odd like that.

Later that night we went out to Paddy O'Quigley's. It's some bar that I guess Carrie and her friends frequent. We met up with her friends Lindsey and Christa while our friend Trish met us there later on. Let's just say that Trish and I got a little bit too hammered. In fact, we got so drunk that she and I are still hung over today. Here is what I had just so you know how off quiltered I became: 1 Amaretto Sour, 1 Mai Tai, 5 Sex on the Beaches, and 3 shots of something that you dropped into a glass of beer. It was the shots that did me in and made me sick to my stomach. I've sworn off shot drinking for the rest of my life because of this.

Towards the end of the evening my shyness wore off. I started to become my uninhibited self. The surprising thing is, I didn't even feel like hooking up with anybody for the night. Granted, there were a lot of really good looking men there I could have gotten with, but for the first time it didn't matter to me if I slept with some guy or not. If I had slept with some guy, it would have been the extremely hot hockey player from St. Louis. He had a white bar stud going straight through his upper ear, short blondish brown hair, and he dressed completely alternative. Most guys who dress and look like this are the guys you want to avoid if you want to have a serious relationship. However, for some damn reason, that's the type of guy I'm attracted too.

We ended up over at Lindsey's apartment after the place closed. I was wearing these flip flops so when I got out of the car and started walking up the wet grass to Lindsey's place, I fell over backwards and smacked my ass. I eventually found myself lying flat on the ground cracking my ass off. I was proud of myself, though. I didn't hang all over some man at any point during the night. I didn't make out or attempt to make out with some drunken asshole, and I didn't have sex with some random stranger. This is me proving to myself that I don't need a man to make me happy.

Sunday I nursed my hangover while Carrie and I met Jen F. and Gina for lunch at the Plaza. After that I drove straight home. It took a toll on me to drive home the 3.5 hours because my stomach churned from the night before. I decided on the way home that I'd have to learn to control my drinking. I was so wasted I had the waitress put everybody's tab on my card. I tipped her 20% on the card and I tipped her a $20 out of my pocket. I need to stop spending money on other people and picking up the tab. I mean, I have the money so it's no big deal, but before too long they'll take my generosity for granted and just expect me to always pay. I don't want to be the "friend" who only has friends because I give it out, whether it be for sex or alcohol.

When I woke up today, I checked my My Space page. Shawn had written me a note. He's all about how hectic his life is right now. This month alone he's shot himself in the hand and he's been arrested for something he didn't even do.

This is also what he said to me:

So yeah when my life becomes more stable and i can clear things up a little , I would rather enjoy being at least friends.

What the hell does that mean? Is he saying he just wants to be friends with me and nothing more, or what? And why am I even reading into this or care? Somebody please tell me what you think about this comment because I'd like to grasp what he's saying. Is this a man's rejection letter?

Anyhow, as for the rest of his letter... well, I'm starting to think that he invites this drama into his life, and he's so caught up in the drama that he can't find his way out.

Do I want to help him find his way out of it? Sometimes I'm not sure what I'm thinking or feeling, but if this confusion carries on any further, I'm going to have to cut all ties with the man and move on with my life.