This is my Rome.
Monday, Sept. 17, 2007 9:27 PM

Isolde: Know that I love you Tristan. Wherever you go, whatever you see... I will always be with you.

[his last lines]

Tristan: You were right. I don't know if life is greater than death, but love was more than either.

- Tristan & Isolde

I still can't make up my mind where I want to go for my vacation. I think I have too many options. Av really wants to go to San Francisco, but I told him if we went there we'd be hanging out with my brother and his boyfriend a lot. There's nothing wrong with that, but my brother and his boyfriend like to take me to their favorite hangouts - and, of course, their favorite hangouts are gay. Av was like, "It doesn't matter if we spend the entire weekend hanging out in gay bars. We'll be together. That's all that matters."

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! Isn't that just sweet?

I asked him to do me a huge favor today. I asked him to stop by some of the colleges and get me graduate school information. I'm going to see what they have to offer at the schools up there. He said one of his good friends goes to Northeastern University so he'll definitely get me a booklet from there.

I figure I need a game plan. If I don't get a job right away, I can at least go to school and work on my Masters. Hopefully the school would have some internships I can do while I work on that. Experience is important, especially if I want to get a better job someday. And to live in a big city, you have to be paid well to live the way I want to live.

We shall see where this takes me. I just know I can't stay here. I love my house. I really do. It's the one thing I hate leaving behind. But it's either leave the house behind or spend the rest of my life here in Wichita slowly dying and wilting away. It's literally killing me. It's like being a record and constantly playing the same song over and over again. There is no room for change. It stays the same and that sameness never ends.

I don't want to wake up 10 years from now being in the same place I am right now. I don't want to wake up 5 years from now and find that I'm still working the same job. I love my dad, but I hate my job. I hate it! I hate everything about it. I especially hate the people I have to work with. If I'm stuck working with them 2 years from now I think I shall become suicidal or postal.

I need out and I need out very soon. I'd be more dramatic and say NOW but I have to be realistic here. Rome wasn't built in a day, but some things do happen overnight.

All of this? Well... it won't happen overnight. No. Not this. This is... well... this is my Rome.

I wish I had more to update everybody on. I've just been wasting away here, growing more tired of my surroundings. I'm not sure if there are still mice in the office, but F.G. won't quit tormenting me about them. I'd like to sick a mouse on him. One that has the hantavirus. That would be nice.

We got into a slight argument today, but it seems like it would take too much effort to type it out. He's just a moron. A complete and total moron. I hate him.

I saw an MSNBC Investigates the other day. It was titled Obsessed or something like that. It was about people who hoard things and hang onto everything until their living within an extremely dirty mess. This is F.G. to a T! According to this thing, people like F.G. suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and severe anxiety. If you touch their stuff, which they place significant feelings on, they fill up with such anxiety that, to them, it feels like they are having a heart attack. I was talking to D.B. about this today and said, "I should go in there and touch his stuff all the time. Maybe then he'll have such a severe heart attack, he'll die."

Yes, I am wicked like that. I have no heart when it comes to this man. If he died tomorrow, I would tap dance on his casket.

I'm generally not a cold person. This man has just put me through hell and back over the years. And I pray that whoever takes my place files sexual harassment charges against him when he grabs his crotch, adjusts himself, and flashes his weiner. Or when he brushes up against them and somewhat traps them into place.. Or how about when he lets his hand just sort of drop on their chest and rub their breasts for just a second.. but a second too long. Yes, I hope whoever takes my place does that. Or at least kicks the fucker in the balls!