I once had a life, or rather, life had me. I was one among many or at least I seemed to be....


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I need you like a.....
Thursday, Dec. 06, 2007 8:26 PM

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground.
And I'm hearing what you say
but I just can't make a sound.
You tell me that you need me,
Then you go and cut me down, but wait.
You tell me that you're sorry,
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...
That it's too late to apologize, it's too late.
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late.

- Apologize, Timbaland

I'm not sure what to think. I don't know what to say. Thoughts pass through me, one after the other, until everything feels like a jumbled mess. I'm not depressed. I'm not confused. I just can't stop thinking.

I'm having the oddest dreams. No matter how much I struggle to get up, I can't. There's something weighing me down and keeping me in place. I float in and out of awareness, but the fog overpowers me.

He's standing over me, his eyes boring into mine. He puts out his hand and I take it willingly. I feel his skin pressed against mine, palm to palm... My fingers slide between his as a breath escapes my lips. "Look at me," he says, but I can't open my eyes. I feel his finger tilt my chin until I'm staring straight up at him. "Look at me," he says again. And I do.

He slides me down onto the bed, fingers gliding gently along my skin. My body shivers, I'm so nervous. "Don't be scared," he says. I open my mouth to say something but he silences me with a kiss. His lips press against mine deep and hard. And before I know it, he's inside of me.

I open my mouth to whimper but nothing comes out. My head falls back but all I can see is his body pressed against mine.. pushing... pulling. I reach out to grab him but I'm grabbing onto air. He's there. I can feel him... but why can't I touch him back?

What are my dreams trying to tell me? I want to know, but a part of me is too afraid to find out.


In 19 Seconds

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You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

- Dr. Seuss