I once had a life, or rather, life had me. I was one among many or at least I seemed to be....


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Life
Monday, Mar. 24, 2008 6:28 PM

"Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead." - Anon

I felt old last night, as if I was living past all my good years. The truth is, I've just begun living. If I think about it too much, life seems to short. There aren't enough years to do everything I want to do.

I just finished reading a good book called A Thousand Splendid Suns. In the book, two women grow up in war torn Afghanistan. The book was a lesson in how women have been treated over there over the years during the war, and I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief that I was born American. I couldn't help but appreciate the fact that, even though women have yet to achieve total equality here, we have so much more freedom than a lot of the women out there.

I couldn't help but think about this yesterday at my parents house. I went up to their house for the day so I could spend Easter with my family. After lunch I rode around on the 4 wheeler for about five hours. At one point, it was me, my niece Megan and her friend Sam, three girls riding 4 wheelers and dirt bikes all around the place. If we had been born in Afghanistan during the wrong era, we wouldn't have been able to do that. All three of us wouldn't be out riding dirt bikes and 4 wheelers around, wearing jeans, and getting ruddy. I couldn't help but feel a sense of freedom during that moment of realization. It's a freedom I'm tired of taking for granted.

There's so much I want to do, so many things I want to accomplish. It's only been lately that I feel like I can accomplish them all. I know someday I'm going to go sky diving. I know someday I'll go white water rafting, bunjie cord jumping, backpacking across Europe, and who knows what else. I'm finally getting my passport later this month so I can have the ability to go outside the US borders. My parents are taking us to Nova Scotia in August. It will be my first trip out of the US and onto foreign soil. I'm going to relish this moment like there's no tomorrow.

Today, I woke up extremely sore. I had a massage on Saturday that left my muscles aching. After combining that with the 4 wheeling, I feel like I can barely move today. My neck is terribly sore and my left hand feels sprained. There was a moment when I was riding as a passenger in the Razor when my brother-in-law John took me for a ride. We flew through the air at one point and the seatbelt pushed and shoved me back into the seat. I have a bit of a redmark on my neck now. Later, we were taking a curve really fast and he almost flipped us sideways. I think that's when I hurt my hand. I'm not sure. Either way, my body is in pain today... but I don't care. I had so much fun yesterday. The pain was worth the gain.

And the pain is going to be worth the gain as I continue forward on my Medifast diet. I'm down 22 lbs overall in a month and one week. I haven't been doing well on it the last three days because I haven't been hungry. Sometimes I have to force feed myself because I'm always full.. but it's the only way to get back down to the weight I need to be and the weight I want to be. That's my first goal... to reach the weight I want to be. I'm giving myself until October. And then? And then I'm going to start saving up money so I can do all the things I've been wanting to do.

I need to do them. I need to do them all before I'm too old to do them all. I'm going to be 31 in October. I want to settle down and have a family sometime in my 30s. The time to do the things I want to do is now. I'm not getting any younger, and if I don't do them now time will have passed me by and left me without the opportunity.

I'm not ready to give up that opportunity. Like I said, I've just begun living. I don't want to let go of that.

In 19 Seconds

Last Five Entries:

Life Update - Tuesday, May. 21, 2019
I had an epiphany! - Wednesday, Jan. 16, 2019
2019 Resolutions - Wednesday, Jan. 09, 2019
To New Beginnings - Tuesday, Jan. 08, 2019
My Christmas Weekend 2018 - Wednesday, Dec. 26, 2018


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You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

- Dr. Seuss