Thinking of You
Friday, Jun. 27, 2008 10:51 AM
"When I saw you I was afraid to meet you. When I met you I was afraid to kiss you. When I kissed you I was afraid to love you. Now that I love you, I am afraid to lose you." - Unknown
Kent and I grow closer everyday. It's the most amazing relationship I've ever been in. We are completely in sync with each other. I can't even begin to explain how easy things have fallen into place for us. It's literally as if we were one soul broken apart into two separate bodies.
He gets me. I've gone through my entire life searching for someone who just gets me. He does, and it's the most beautiful and surreal feeling ever. I wish I could capture all the emotions I am feeling into words, but I can't. All I know is that I love the fact that we laugh more than anything, even when we're making love.
With him, I feel like nothing else matters. Work doesn't stress me out so much. When I'm asleep and having a bad dream, he reaches out and soothes me. All the petty drama and utter bullshit that was in my life before? It doesn't bother me anymore. It seems extremely pointless - mostly because it is.
The oddest thing I've had to deal with is how many people seem to resent our relationship. It's amazing how many people have stopped being my friend the moment I decided to be in a significant and intimate relationship. It has me questioning my choices in friends big time.
I even question those who used to be extremely close to me. Sometimes it feels like they are the ones who resent the relationship the most. I no longer have time to give them my complete and undivided attention, nor do I feel the need or want too. Kent is in the same position with his friends. I don't understand why people can't be happy for others, especially if the friends they cared so much about are finally happy themselves. It just doesn't make sense to me.
I have been questioning events from my past lately. It's probably because I've been surrounded by people from my past a lot more these days. There are certain things from my past that are being brought to light. I feel like I've lived in a naive little world for far too long, and now it's resurfacing so I can take care of it. My only problem is, I don't like the end result.
I know what needs to be done. I just don't like the fact that this is how it must turn out. It will be a positive thing for me, but I am torn up by this decision because it will hurt someone I have been close to. A part of me is putting off the decision because of how it's going to affect things all around me. I can't put it off forever, though. Eventually I must let it go and move forward. I will. Now is not the time.
I'll delve more into my dilemmas later. And I'm going to attempt to update more often. I've just been extremely busy offline so I haven't been around the computer much. For now, it's time to get back to work.
