Hope Floats
Wednesday, Apr. 04, 2012 3:23 PM

"Parents who are afraid to put their foot down usually have children who step on their toes." - Chinese Proverbs

Well, it's been decided. So why am I afraid that this change isn't going to happen? Why do I fear that it will just stay the same and nothing will come of our decision? I feel like its eating away at me, this nervous feeling I keep getting in the pit of my stomach. And I'm only getting it because I'm afraid that this one life changing event that will make my life just a little bit better isn't going to take fruition. It's like having hope only to have that hope die right in front of you at the last minute. I think if it doesn't happen, I'm going to go insane. I'm going to be placed in a home for the criminally insane or something, because Lord knows I can't continue to live like this.

It was decided over the weekend, even though we've been discussing it for over a month now. JR will go live with his mother as soon as the school year ends.

I won't deny it. I can't deny it. A huge part of me is elated that this happening. It feels like a huge boulder is being lifted off my shoulders and I can breathe again. You may think badly of me for feeling relieved, but unless you've lived through what I have the last four years, I don't think you can fully understand where I'm coming from. (Especially in the last six months!!)

With Kent being so weak and sick I've had to be the breadwinner, the "single" parent, the companion. Its hard enough dealing with the current economy and being financially in the poor house because of it, but to throw in a husband who is sick on top of that really adds to the stress level. Then you throw in his child to the mix, a child that he can't parent correctly and I can't control. A verbally and physically abusive almost 14 year old boy who weighs 200+ lbs and is angry at the world. A verbally abusive and physically abusive almost 14 year old who thinks it's funny to beat on his dad when I'm not home. I can't take it anymore. He broke two of Kent's ribs and almost broke Kent's chemo port.

And I am SO sick and tired of Kent's parents saying that JR was just kidding. I saw the whole thing with my very own eyes. I watched as he grabbed his father from behind and yanked him back, then threw him down onto the floor. I was there to see the look of pure hatred and anger on his face. I heard the ribs crack and pop as Kent hit the cement floor. And I watched in horror as JR just busted out laughing afterwards as if it was the funniest thing he had ever seen. I have never seen that look on a person's face before... such anadultered hatred. And I will never forget that look on his face for as long as I live. I don't care what Kent's parents think or say. I know what happened and I know why it happened and I know it won't be the last time unless something is done to get this child removed from the house. If not for Kent's safety, then at least for my own.

I often tell my parents, "If anything happens to me, it was JR." And no.. I'm not paranoid. I'm realistic.

I wish I could show people videotapes of how treats us, what he's done to us, what we've endured. Then maybe they'd shutup and actually see the truth.