Anxiety Sucks
Tuesday, Aug. 14, 2012 2:34 PM
"Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic." - Anais Nin
Why is it easy for some people to spend money and not feel anxious about it? Why do I feel anxious about it to begin with? It's not like I'm going to end up a vagrant on the street or in such financial ruin that there's no way back out. People go in debt all the time, don't they? But I feel like I'm struggling to stay afloat all the time. It doesn't help matters that I went to Ribbit Computers and bought myself a gaming computer for more money than I can afford. Kent says if it makes me happy it was worth the price, that it's okay if we spend 4 months paying it completely off. It doesn't have to be paid off right away... and I know it doesn't so why am I feeling so stressed out about it all?
(Or maybe all of this is what's causing my anxiety and I'm using the computer as an excuse?? -----> ) On top of that, Kent has been seriously anxious. He finds out tomorrow if he goes back on chemo after a couple of months break. He's pretty certain he will be going back on it since it's very obvious his tumors are growing again. To top that off, his son has returned from spending the summer living with his grandparents and he's brought with him a full blown attitude. It's made living in this household almost unbearable.
I feel sick to my stomach, like I want to throw up. Literally. Sometimes this feeling goes away, but then it comes back hitting me full force in the gut. It has been one crazy weekend and I hope these feelings alleviate soon because I can't handle them much longer.