Flip Flop
Tuesday, Sept. 18, 2012 4:26 PM

"But even the President of the United States sometimes must have to stand naked." - Bob Dylan

I'm sitting here wondering what to write about. I feel like I should update more often, but my life seems to be stuck in a continuous cycle of events. They are extremely repetitive and I find that extremely boring.

Makes me wonder about other people. Are they stuck in the same kind of cycle? Only the lucky people get to live a life of excitement, I'm sure. I read People magazine and I see all these celebrities vacationing in Hawaii or over in Europe and I think it must be nice to have the kind of money they do. Am I jealous of them? Heck yeah!

And then I wonder about the people from the past. Did the people who existed back then feel stuck? Imagine living in the 1400s. I imagine it quite often right now because I just finished reading this book on Henry VIII's six wives by Allison Weir. I'm not sure if my family lived in England at that time, but I know my dad's family lived in Scotland. So I sit and imagine what they must have been like. Did they farm or do some other kind of menial labor? Were their days repetitive just like mine? Did they wake up and work the land, day after day, the same thing over and over and over again? Did they travel a lot? Maybe they lived at court with the king and had a merry old time. Who knows? I wish I knew.

Survival of the Fittest, I say. The Plague happened quite a bit back then, and women died all the time from unhygenic childbirthing practices. So when you think about it, all of us existing today are biproducts of some of the fittest humans to ever exist. Somewhere down the line our ancestors conquered the odds and here we are.

I often think about how I may never have children of my own. I'm turning 35 in October and I can't see myself getting pregnant anytime soon. After all, I don't want to bring a child into this world when I have a husband sick with cancer who is ailed by alcoholism. It wouldn't be fair to the child, and I'd be worried everyday for its safety.

Some women would probably divorce their spouse and find another one to have a kid with, but I feel trapped. I love him, but I hate him at the same time because of this. I want my freedom and a "normal" life. Although what exactly is normal these days?

Okay. I want the loving husband who goes to work and is the bread winner. I want at least two children (so they're not alone) whom I send off to Catholic school and they come home to a clean house and live the kind of life I had as a child. But then on the other hand, I don't want to give birth to children who may suffer from depression like me for the rest of their lives, who may or may not be bullied in school for being different.

I think about all those tweens and teenagers who are committing suicide because they're being bullied on the internet and at school, and I don't want to subject anyone to that kind of abuse. Who raises the children that are the bullies anyhow? How can people be so mean?

I wish life wasn't so difficult sometimes.

A lot of women seem to be having children well into their 40s, but I don't know if I want to be one of them. There are to many risks and complications involved. Also, I don't want to be 80 by the time my child turns 40. Although, if I do have a child, it will most likely be around that age so its quite uncontrollable for me.

I seem to flip flop back and forth between wanting one and not wanting one - and I have excellent reasons for either side.

It's how I'm approaching this years presidential election, too. I have no idea who to vote for! All over facebook people are posting their individual opinions on both candidates. It's like this every 4 years, it seems. Bring out the hounds and bash the politicians any way you can just to convince people not to vote for them. I haven't paid much attention to the whole fiasco, mostly because I don't even know where I stand on the issues that are most important.

On one hand I think health care for all is a good idea. It would help those who can't afford it have it. On the other hand, I'm flat broke and if I have to pay more out in taxes in any sort of way, shape or form to pay for this health care, I'll be living in poverty very soon.

Then there's the whole gay rights thing. I don't know why this has to be an issue. Live and let live. Does it hurt anybody if two men or two women marry each other? It's not like straight people hold marriage in high esteem anymore, anyways. The divorce rate is over 50%. It's not right that married couples get better benefits either. Then again, marriage is a religious thing so who am I to say how they should define marriage? I just don't understand why it has to be defined and why people can't just be happy and be people.

I could go on. And on and on and on... but it's almost time for me to leave work here. I guess I'll quit my random rambling for now. Until next time....