I'm curious....
Wednesday, Sept. 19, 2012 5:44 PM

"In certain kinds of writing, particularly in art criticism and literary criticism, it is normal to come across long passages which are almost completely lacking in meaning." - George Orwell

Which is what my diary entries have been like lately. Do you ever watch the show Awkward on MTV? I know it's a teeny bopper show but I'm addicted to it. Not like I'm addicted to mint chocolate chip ice cream, but I enjoy the episodes and the life of Jenna. I love how she blogs about her entire high school existence, putting down into record all the events that are taking place. I wish they had the internet back when I was her age. I would have done the same thing. Then again, my "blog" was a handwritten diary which I have stowed away in some closet somewhere. I wonder who may read them when I'm long gone... if they'll find their way into the hands of someone who will cherish and remember my existence, or if they'll be tossed out with the trash. Then again, I also wonder if anyone I know will ever find this online diary and remember me in the same way they might if they found the hand written one.

I think that's my problem lately. I think that's why I keep thinking about the possibility of having children in the future, and keep looking to my past to see where I came from. I want to remember those who have passed on in some way or another... and I hope that someday someone keeps me alive in their memories.

My Grandma and Grandpa W. passed away in 1997 and 1998. My Grandpa L. passed away in 2010. They remembered their grandparents, their parents, their cousins, aunts, uncles, kids, grandkids.... but once they passed away, the older generations passed away with them. I don't know most of my great grandparents personally or my great great grandparents. All I know are stories that were passed down. And it bothers me completely that once I pass away, my grandparents' stories may die with me.

I only have Grandma L. left, and she's losing it mentally. When I was younger she didn't want to waste time talking about her life as a kid or the memories she had. Now that she's older, she wants to talk about it, but she confuses people and events with other people and events. Like she'll say that her grandpa played the trumpet in the war, but then she'll say it was her great grandpa other times. Thanks to ancestry.com I do know that her maternal great grandpa was a railroad man and that's how he and his family ended up in Kansas.

I don't think anybody in my family is interested in knowing these things like I am. So many people keep going on about the end of the world coming, how we're all going to die from natural disasters, asteroids that fall from the skies, or a nuclear war breaking out over in the middle east. It just blows my mind to even think of such things... how once we're gone, that's it. It's over.

I'm obsessed with Ghost Adventures on the Travel Channel. Zak, Nick and Aaron are my ideal type of guy. Heaven forbid I ever end up with someone like that. My chances are slim to none! They probably date super models or women who physically resemble the likes of Marilyn Monroe. Why I'm even thinking about that, who knows? I am allowed to daydream aren't I?

Anyhow, I completely believe in the work they do. They're not like Ghost Hunters where the people just run around and act scared at noises. No, these guys actually catch things on video, in pictures, and over voice recorders. I was catching up on a bunch of reruns last night and I kept thinking, what if I get stuck after I die and I'm trapped here on earth.. spirit bound. Will I just hang out with other spirits or will I haunt the living? And if the world did blow up from some random space object or nuclear disaster.... where would all the spirits who are trapped here go? If the earth was completely obliterated.... what would happen to everyone who was dead or alive?

Is it kind of like Fringe where there are multiple dimensions? If we destroyed our earth in this dimension, or it was obliterated by space, would those other dimensions cease to exist too, or would they still exist? Is the earth one dimensional or a dozen dimensions wrapped up in one all existing within the same space time continuum, sometimes overlapping but mostly not?

Ponder that for awhile, would you? I may continue this rant tomorrow. For now, it's time to head home before someone calls looking for me wondering why I haven't walked through the door yet.