I once had a life, or rather, life had me. I was one among many or at least I seemed to be....


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All good things....
Friday, Feb. 22, 2013 8:41 PM

"My heart is broken. May I have some glue?"

"I miss you! How are you?"

"I'm okay. I can't eat. I can't sleep. But other than that, I'm okay."

"Tell me something."

"Such as?"

"Anything."

"Anything?"

"Anything."

"I like the feel of cotton sheets against my skin. If I could be anything in the world I'd be a mermaid. Rain comforts me."

"I like that."

"I knew you would."

- My last text conversation (with Jeremy)


Like all things in life, everything has a beginning and end; unless, of course, you want to get technical here and start talking about circles. But thatís not what this post is about. It has nothing to do with circles. In fact, it has nothing to do with any shape or colorÖ or number for that matter. Itís about life.

Life is unpredictable. Life is never still. It is always in flux, a constant motion. Can we truly predict whatís going to happen next? Do we know what the future has in store for us? Sure, we may be able to predict the birth and sex of a child, but we canít predict the outcome of their life. Will they be stillborn or live through childhood? Will they be around into their 90′s or sadly die in a car accident at the age of 17? How are we to know what moments will matter in our lives the most?

We, as a race, live from moment to moment. We define our lives by these moments: the birth of a child, a family vacation, learning to drive, falling in love, getting married, or losing someone important to you. Some moments are wonderful. They bring us happiness. Others are tragic and fill us with pain. Maybe you were born with cystic fibrosis, or lost your leg in a car accident, or maybe you met your soul mate waiting for the bus on your way to work. All of these moments are significant. They give us meaning. They give us hope or cause us despair. They become the essence of our life.

We go through life either expecting the worst or hoping for the best. It all depends on our attitude. Do we see the cup half empty or is it half full? Do we take it shaken or stirred? Is there a lid on top in case we drop the cup?

I have come to understand that all of these moments have a beginning, and they all have an end. Every relationship I have encountered, every friendship I have made along the wayÖÖ A good song playing on the radio, a random moment in time when you catch yourself laughing at a joke or smiling just to smile.. even the sadness we endure. It will all end. Every single one of these moments will cease to exist. Every single relationship, every single friendship, every single life will end.

Poof.

Extinguished.

I look at my cats and I know one day they will be gone. I look at my parents and know they wonít be around forever. I spend every day with a man struggling to make it from one day to the next. One day heíll be gone, too. Every friendship, every relationship, every moment. Sometimes I stare at my hands. I gaze at my wrists and see the veins pulsing with blood, with my life, and I know one day that life will be gone. It will come to an end just like everything else.

So today I offer up some advice, even if itís to my future self.

Cherish every moment. Hold onto it like youíll never let it go. Listen to the beauty found in music, a personís voice, or even the sound of gentle rain against the windowpane. Pet your cats (or dogs, hamsters, snakes, etc.). Feel their fur against your skin. Hold them close so you can hear them purr. Tell them everyday you love them.

Honor your mother and father. Never take for granted the love they have for you, the sacrifices they have made on your behalf, or the life that they have given to you to live. Hold their hand. Hug them tight. Talk to them like youíve never talked to them before. Love them with all your might. Tell them everyday you love them.

Be a friend to your friends. Never take advantage of their kindness. Enjoy every smile they place upon your lips. Take pleasure in the laughter they bring into your life. Hold them up when they are down. Let them be there for you in return. Tell them everyday you love them.

If youíre fortunate enough to fall in love, consider yourself lucky. To be loved in return is an extra bonus. Apply every lesson above to this one person. Touch them often. Listen to them always. Talk to them. Honor them. Never take advantage of their kindness. Be there when they are down and hold them up. Live for the good times, love through the hard times (and there will be hard times), but most importantly laugh often. Tell them everyday you love them.

One day they will all be gone. Yes. All good things must come to an end. So take it from me, one who has lost plentyÖ Life will throw you curve balls. You may feel like youíve been sucker punched in the gut, but these moments will pass. Find within yourself the strength to endure no matter how weak you may feel inside, because you WILL be given moments youíll never want to forget. You will share a life with others that will bring you joy. You will want to embrace that happiness for all itís worth and never let it go. And those moments you canít get back? The ones you took for granted? For Godís sake, let them go, for the sadness you feel inside from them will only weigh you down.

I know you had a little life in the end. I know you had a lot of strength left. I should be crying but I just canít let it show. I should be hoping but I canít stop thinking here of all the things that we should have said that we never said, of all the things that we should have done but never did, of all the things that you needed from me, of all the things that you wanted for me. Of all the things I should have given but I did notÖ

In 19 Seconds

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I didn't ask for all this drama! - Tuesday, Jul. 31, 2018


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You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

- Dr. Seuss