I once had a life, or rather, life had me. I was one among many or at least I seemed to be....


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Dream a little dream
Monday, Mar. 25, 2013 3:43 PM

“For in our dreams, we enter a world entirely our own.” ― Albus Dumbledore

I had the strangest dream last night. I was my age, except I was like a teenager still living with my parents. My room had it's own attached bathroom to it, and the majority of the dream took place with me getting ready for something. I don't know what I was getting ready for, but the shower was going, the flat iron was plugged in, and make-up was out on the counter.

Now, if you know anything about me, you know this is strange for these reasons alone. 1. I seldom do my hair, and 2. I never wear make-up. However, in this dream, it was very important to me to get ready for whatever it was I was getting ready for. I even had eyeliner out, and a tube of mascara.

While the shower was running, I was in a satin pink robe and I walked out into the upstairs hallway only to run into my very first boyfriend Brian. He looked exactly like he does on Facebook now, though, which isn't much different than what he looked like in high school. Just a bit older. The thing that stood out to me was that he was still tall (6'1" to my 5'2") and skinny. He was told to carry boxes upstairs to my brother's room, and I watched him as he did this. Somehow he ended up in my bedroom sitting on my bed holding my hand. I was standing between his legs, and I cupped his face, leaned down towards him and kissed him very gently and extremely slow.

After the kiss, I went back into the bathroom to take my shower and get ready. I took off my robe, tested the water, then turned towards the mirror. And that's when the strangest part of the dream happened. I was staring back at myself but it wasn't me at all... but then it was. It was 100% me, but it wasn't.

That doesn't make sense, I know... but the person staring back at me wasn't me in the physical sense. It was me. I knew it was me, but the physical appearance wasn't my own. In the mirror I was this drop dead gorgeous blonde with bright blue eyes, flawless porcelain skin, pouty lips, and a long slender neck. My blonde hair was just past my shoulders with a natural wave to it, and my blue eyes were a mix between the blue of the sky and the blue of the ocean. And I didn't wear glasses.

Reality is, I'm a brunette. My hair is so dark it's almost black. It's naturally curly, and I normally yank it back in a ponytail because I hate messing with it. Lately it's more like a knot at the back of my head because I recently took a pair of scissors to it. I think I chopped off six inches of hair. And for the first time in years... and I mean years... I have bangs. Makes me look years younger, though, not that I needed to look younger. I've always looked ten years younger than I am, but now I look 15 years younger than I am. I don't mind, though. Now that I'm older, I appreciate looking younger. Ha... my mother was right!

And my eyes? They aren't blue at all. They're brown. Dark brown (with a hint of green in them when I'm in a particular feisty mood). I have contemplated getting blue contacts lately. I've always wanted my dad's blue eyes instead of my mom's brown ones. I haven't gone through with getting the contacts because I'm lazy, and even if I got them, I'd probably wear them only once - that is if I could actually get them into my eyes. I wear glasses for a reason! Okay.. for two reasons. I can't stand the idea of poking my eyes with my fingers just to slip contacts in, and I've always thought I was cute in a pair of glasses.

As for my neck? Yuck. Not long and slender. Ever notice how the majority of celebrities have these beautiful long slender necks? Not me. As for the skin? Yeah, I do have almost porcelain colored skin, but lately it isn't flawless. Too much stress going on. Who knew you could still break out well into your 30s? I probably should start wearing make-up just to cover my blemishes up, but that would require me buying a bunch of make-up I don't own and having to learn how to apply it.

Yeah... I never did learn. My mother never taught me. Nor did my two older sisters. I don't know why not. It's probably because I was never the girly girl and didn't ask. They always did their hair and make-up, dressed nice, carried around purses... My mom tried for awhile with me, but I guess she eventually gave up. Heck, none of them taught me how to take care of my monthly business either, or how to shave. I remember just taking my mom's razor and just started shaving my legs and under my arms like I'd been doing it my entire life, and I learned how to take care of my female issues by reading the box. Never did have the birds and bees talk with my parents, either. I guess they figured I learned everything I needed to know about it from sex education classes.

I've gotten off track here. The point is, I was the complete opposite of myself in this dream. I was staring back at myself in the mirror and I wasn't me, but I was. The strange thing about the whole experience was that it felt right, like the person staring back at me was who I was supposed to be instead of the person I actually am. As for the whole Brian thing? I have no clue why that was even in there, but I sure had a lot of self-confidence when I was kissing him the way I did in the dream.

I wonder if this is my subconscious peeking out saying, "this is how you see yourself mentally. This is who you could be if you just tried a little bit to care about yourself." Or maybe I just wish I was someone else living a completely different life. Who knows? Sooooo.. I just did a random google search about dreams and the site that popped up first was this one www.kajama.com. So I did something I normally never do, and I wrote to them about my dreams. Now I'm very curious to see what kind of response I get.

In 19 Seconds

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You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

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