I once had a life, or rather, life had me. I was one among many or at least I seemed to be....

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I didn't ask for all this drama!
Tuesday, Jul. 31, 2018 3:56 PM

“You don’t get over it. You move past it. You move through it. You lose yourself to find it, and when found, it’s yours and no longer theirs.” ― Dominic Riccitello

This has been the craziest month ever. On the night of July 3rd, I was sitting on the couch and catching up on The Handmaid's Tale. At some point, Kent came inside and went downstairs to JR's bedroom. When he came back up the stairs, he was carrying a shot gun. I asked him, "what are you doing with that?" I can't remember what he replied, but he held it up for me to see and said something along the lines that his son didn't need to have guns in his room like that. He then cocked the gun, aimed it at me and said, "It would be so easy to shoot you right now." I said, "Stop that." He said, "Ha ha. Just kidding." I said, "That's not very funny." He said, "you always take everything I say too seriously."

I'm not sure what he did with the gun after that, but he went out into the garage and started to blare his music really loud. By the time Handmaid's Tale was over, I was tired and ready for bed. I called up A. on the phone because I always like to have someone on the phone hearing what's being said between the two of us because Kent likes to try to make me sound and feel crazy. I asked Kent to turn his music down. He said, "Okay," but instead of turning it down he turned it up even louder. I argued with him that it was after midnight and the neighbors could hear his music. He argued that it was only loud inside the house and that was it. I said, "no, it's loud outside, too." We went back and forth like that for awhile until he realized somebody was listening in on the conversation. He got extremely mad when he found that out and tried to take the phone from me. I told him to back up and get away from me and wouldn't let him near my phone. He started to argue with A. over the phone, saying things like how I was going to Iowa (which was planned for a family reunion type thing later in the month) to have sex with him. I told him not to be absurd. That I was going to Iowa with my parents to meet distant relatives I met off of ancestry.com. He then started to go off on A. even more saying things like, "Come on over. I'll make sure you never get back up off the ground." This is when it clicked for me that Kent has extremely low self-esteem and a lot of self-hate. How I never saw it before, I don't know.

The argument escalated, and I ended up going inside and calling my mother on the other line and connecting the phone calls. Kent came storming inside the house, screaming at me and A., calling A. a mother fucker and telling him to come to Kansas so he could give him a proper beat down. My mother told me to hang up the phone, gather some items and come over for the night to spend the night. So I did.

On July 4th, I went back home to check on my cats and to start hauling things off to the storage unit we rented to keep my stuff in since I was going to be living with my parents until the house sold. As soon as I showed up and got out of the car, I noticed Kent in his chair in the garage on the phone with his dad. The only thing he said to me was, "Do you feel better now?" I wanted to say back, "feel better about what? What should I feel better about?" But, knowing Kent the way I do, I knew he just wanted to argue even more so I just kept my mouth shut and went inside. We hauled off a lot of boxes to storage and once that was done, I thought we were going back for more storage items. Instead, my mother starts packing up all my stuff and told me I was moving into her basement that day. Before I knew it, my cats and almost all my clothes were over at her house.

I went back to the house everyday to check on things, pack more stuff up and haul it to storage or over to my parents house. At some point between the 4th and when I went on vacation on the 15th, I went downstairs to the basement to haul all my CDs and DVDs over to the storage unit only to find them all missing. It turns out JR stole them and pawned them all for drug money. I was livid, especially since I took years to collect that CD collection and some of the CDs had emotional value to them. I told Kent his son had to be out of the house pronto or I was calling the cops. His son's response to the whole thing was, "Drugs make you do stupid things." Later, I found out he also said something like, "what's her problem? That happened over a year ago. Why is she tripping out about it now?" The day he wasn't allowed back except to get his stuff was the day before I left for Iowa. I told the neighbors next door what was going on, but also said there wasn't much I could do about it since I would be out of town. They informed me that there were security cameras on everybody's houses up and down the block, and that one of them had a camera that automatically videotaped every car that drove by. They said that a gun had been stolen from the neighbors across the street and they found out it was stolen by someone on foot because no cars went down the street at that time because of that camera. I made the comment, "oh god. I hope JR wasn't the one who stole it." I made sure to tell Kent about the cameras because 1. I wanted JR to know he was being watched, and 2. I wanted Kent to feel safe from his son because he was acting like his son was going to come kill him.

While I was in Iowa, Kent kept sending text messages asking me to change his phone number. He sent me the word "now" about a dozen times. So I changed his phone number and then he went off on me for changing it. I told him, "what do you want? You asked me to change your phone number and kept sending me the word now until I did and once I did, you go off on me for doing so?" He completely ruined my vacation and manipulated my emotions the entire trip. He even said he fired my next door neighbor from finishing the basement. I texted the neighbor and said, "you're not fired." The neighbor had no idea what I was talking about. It was just another game Kent played on me while I was gone.

When I returned home, I came home to a house where the fireplace mantle was destroyed, the TV on top of the mantle was ruined, the screen to the fireplace had a big gaping hole in the screen, and there was a hole in the wall by the back door. On top of that, there were two giant holes in the wall in JR's bedroom. Before I left, there was already a hole in the wall in the laundry room that I know for certain Kent caused. When my mom showed up to help me pack, she noticed one of pictures was off the wall and the glass was broken. However, this picture was over by the hole in the wall by the back door. Kent's excuse was that there was an earthquake that caused it to fall off the wall. I said, "how does an earthquake cause a picture to fly off the wall, go around a big lamp and some candles, and cause the picture to turn 180 degrees so that it's corner can fly into the wall shattering the glass and putting a hole in the wall?" He couldn't answer that. As I was cleaning up the glass near the backdoor, I also noticed the clock that was hanging up above the hole in the wall had fallen and cracked as well. On top of that, there was a giant hole in the pantry door. Kent said that JR shoved the paper towel holder through the pantry door and he found it sticking out of it. Then he said that when Shawn was over, JR commented that he was going back inside to punch more holes in the walls when Shawn said, "Don't be stupid. Quit making it worse for your dad than it already is."

My mother was able to repair the picture. It cost money to replace the glass. We can't find anybody to repair the screen cover for the fireplace. One lady said to just by a free standing one because it costs $450 to replace the cover whereas a freestanding one only costs about $200. My mom was able to fix the holes in the wall after I took pictures of everything. As for the pantry door, I'm not sure how we're going to fix that. They were custom built by the carpenter who made our cabinets.

Things were going okay up until Saturday the 21st. On that day, I found my debit card for the joint account all cut up in the garage. I had left the card with Kent because his wasn't working. I asked him why my debit card was cut up and he said, "the bank cut it up." I said, "why did they cut it up?" He replied, "because it wasn't working." I told him it was working just fine for me. He said that they printed the wrong security code on the card so it only worked when you swiped the card. I told him that made no sense. I found out today when I logged into my bank account that he had closed down the checking account. I called up Fidelity and they told me that it only takes one person on the account to close it completely. I told them that made no sense. What if that was my only checking account? So it takes everybody on the account to remove one person, but anybody on the account could come in and close it down completely? I then figured out why my debit card had been completely cut up. He had closed the account while I was on vacation.

Anyhow, on that Saturday, I checked my Discover Card. There were about 7 charges for Lyft rides, many of them $5 tips. One trip cost $12.50. I called up Discover and said that those charges weren't mine. Then it clicked that it had to have been Kent using my credit card to go places. They told me to find out and to let them know because they could go after him for fraud. I found out Kent used my credit card to go places. I have it in text form as proof. He even said he'd pay me for the rides. I even have that in text form. I called Discover back and reported my card as lost or stolen but I didn't tell them to go after him for fraud at this point because he said he'd pay for the rides.

The next morning around 10 AM, I got a call from Kent. He had left me numerous text messages all night saying things like how he hates his life. He wishes he was dead. He can't trust anybody in the world, especially his son and father, etc. etc. One of the last text messages I received from him said, "The cops just showed up for suicidal tendencies? Did you send them. Is it that bad. Really." I had no idea what he was talking about. So when he called me up on the phone crying asking me to come over, I went. I drove up, opened the garage door. He closed it. I opened it up again, got out of the car and said, "What's going on?" He wouldn't tell me. This is when I noticed the white freezer in the garage had been written all over in permanent marker. Everything was gibberish. I asked Kent, "What is going?" He was drunk, of course, and just scowled at me. I said, "Kent, you need help. What is your social workers name and number?" He told me to fuck off. I told him, "Kent, what is her name? I can't help you. This is beyond my capabilities." He said, "Fuck you." Then he started going off on the house saying it was his property and I needed to get off of the property. I said, "No, Kent. It's our property. You're the one trespassing right now. When you were served on the 9th, you were supposed to be out of the house within 48 hours but you didn't go." He said, "You left the house first. That entitled me to the home." I said, "No. We are both supposed to be out of the house so we can fix it up and sell it." He kept arguing with me, so I went outside and I called my dad.

My dad said, "Evict him!" I go, "How? He says he gets to stay in the house because I left first." My dad was like, "the paperwork doesn't say that." I told him, "I know that but I don't have it on me to show him that!" At this point, Kent shuts the garage door and he's screaming and throwing things around the garage. A neighborhood boy and his cousin walked by and they kept looking back at me as if to make sure I was okay. I ended up calling 911 because I had no idea what else to do. I told them that I thought Kent was suicidal after all the text messages I received and that he was inside the house destroying things. They sent out some cops, which happened to be the same cops that had been out there earlier. They asked me if I had known they had been out there earlier and I said, "kind of. He texted me something about it." They said that Kent had called up St. Francis Hospital and threatened them saying they didn't help him so he was going to come after them for everything. They had called the cops to send someone over to check on his welfare. I told them I thought he was suicidal and showed them my text messages. Then I told them that he wasn't even supposed to be in the house because he was served papers that said he had to be out within 48 hours. They talked to Kent and they came back and said he wasn't suicidal. One cop told me he was just a cutter and that he knew of cutters that cut themselves down to the bone. (Oh, I forgot to mention, he keeps cutting his wrist making horrible slash marks.) I told them he needs mental help and that the text messages to me were a cry for help. They said that since he did not specifically state "I'm going to kill myself," there's nothing they could do about it. I told them that was insane. And then they said that he was allowed to stay in the home because I left first. I told them, "No. My lawyer filed the paperwork saying he had to be out within 48 hours." They read me the paperwork and said it didn't state that. I started to freak out and said, "So I'm supposed to let him stay in the home and continue to destroy the only equity we have?" They told me it was a civil matter and were leaving it at that.

Then, all of a sudden, they asked me why I had left. I told them my mother had moved me out of the house. They asked me why so I told them about the fighting, the knife incident, and the gun incident. All of a sudden they were all over me asking me why I never reported this to the cops. I told them that I didn't fear for my life and didn't think anything of it. Then my mother shows up and they made her feel bad for not coming to get me out of the house. Then they created cases for the incidents and told me I have to go to the courthouse the next day and file a PFA. Everybody started to get on me for not caring about my safety, and I kept telling them I never feared for my life. Then they were like, "We've seen dozens of these cases. You need to be more concerned about yourself. Do you know how many murder/suicides we've seen? Yada yada yada." So I go in and I file for PFA the next day and it takes the ENTIRE day to go through this process. First I had to go in and fill out the reason why I wanted one. Then I had to wait for a judge to return to sign it, but before he could sign it, I had to get it stamped by one lady, then go to another floor to ask for a judge, then go to the floor the judge was on to sign it, and then go to another floor to have copies made. After that, I had to take a copy to the precinct (which I had no idea which precinct was mine so I went to the wrong one first) and give them the papers to evict him. Special case scenario, he has no vehicle and he had nowhere to go. So my mom had to call up JR and ask JR to pick him up. JR went over there, Kent got served, and JR took him out to the farm. This entire time, I had to watch the entire thing go down and I'm sick to my stomach. I think I bawled my eyes out for four days straight because I was so worried about Kent and if he was okay, and how horrible it was that this happened this way.. and on top of that we both have to be in court on the 9th of August regarding getting me a permanent restraining order. And the entire time I'm like, "I want one from his son. Not him!" But they wouldn't let me have one from his son because his son never physically or verbally threatened my life.

It's a complete mess. My mom and I cleaned up Kent's room. We packed up all his stuff and put it in tubs and boxes. When we cleaned up his room, we found 4 guns. This is not including the gun his son broke and Kent asked my mother to throw away and then my mother gave that gun to the cops. Nor does it include the gun that was sold by JR, who said at the beginning of the month, "well, that's one gun down. Now you should feel safer in the house." Nor does it include the gun JR bought that looks like a machine gun. We also found a bunch of bullets everywhere. When we cleaned the garage yesterday, we came across about 20 different knives, one brass knuckle, and more bullets. We also found divorce papers in an envelope that hadn't been filled out yet sent to Kent last year right after the 4th of July. My thoughts on this is that he wanted a divorce, too, but was afraid to file for one, and that one of those 4 guns might be the neighbors gun that was stolen.

On the Monday before I filed for the PFA, Kent's dad called up my mom to talk about the divorce. He didn't want to hear anything about St. Francis, the cops being at the house, or anything to do with the welfare of his son. All he wanted to say was that his son deserves representation in the divorce and basically tried to get my parents to pay for his lawyer. This is all after I kept hearing from Kent all month, "My dad wants me to take you for everything. I don't want too!" And he'd drink after his dad was on the phone with him and be extremely upset. My take is that his dad thinks I have more than I do and that I'm connected to my parents wealth when I'm not. I also think that his dad is paying for a lawyer for him now because of the whole PFA thing, telling Kent he'll win big and that I'll be responsible for his legal bills. Kent kept saying that I was turned into Adult Protection Services, but they never contacted me about anything. The paperwork I found out at the house said he was turned in for self neglect.

And that has been my July. I fear August is going to be completely crazy. All I wanted was for Kent to get the mental help he needs, but now I fear he's going to be fighting dirty thinking I am hiding assets I don't have and trying to take me for everything, even my cat Haley. Not sure where I'll be 30 days from now, but I hope to God this ends soon.

In 19 Seconds

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You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
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And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

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