I once had a life, or rather, life had me. I was one among many or at least I seemed to be....

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Been Thinking
Monday, Apr. 15, 2013 2:47 PM

“Follow your inner moonlight; don't hide the madness.” ― Allen Ginsberg

Not much happened this weekend. Gilly, Mike and I did start playing WoW again to take a small break from Guild Wars. It's been nice being able to play with Sal, Zach and Scott again. Plus, I'm revamping the guild. We changed the name and everything. New tabard, new name, new layout. We're not recruiting yet, but we plan to head in that direction soon. Right now we're just having fun and getting things ready. On a brighter note, Misty made her own guild so now we don't have to listen to her idiotic ramblings. YAY!

My neck's been killing me. I think I must be sleeping on it wrong. It's, of course, my bad side: the left side... so who knows? Ugh. All I know is that it hurts. I can barely lift my arm to put my hair up in a ponytail.

Something nice happened last week. My good friend Manfred found me on Facebook. I haven't spoken to him in years. It's been forever! I've missed him. I'm so glad he found me. I've been looking for him over the years but I lost how to find him. He looks really good. Yay, Mannie!

Something happened to me this week, as well. This weekend, actually. I was told I look like I'm 20 years old. 20 years old! I was talking to someone about something not important and they were like, "no way. You're too young!" and I laughed and said, "How old do you think I am?" And they said, "No older than 20." I told them, "well, I'm 35. In 6 months I'll be 36. Just 4 short years to 40." Their jaw dropped, but that really made my day. I don't look 5 or 10 years younger. I look 15! Is that even possible? It must be good genes, the fact I never wear make-up, wearing my hair longer, and the new St. Ives face creams I've been using to wash and moisturize my face with. My skin has cleared up again thanks to that stuff. And my pores are almost non-existent now. Kent says they weren't there to begin with, but I said, "yes, they were." He was like, "well, yeah, if you spend all your time staring at your face in a magnifying mirror." - which is what I do. People who overexpose their skin to the sun have large pores and I was afraid I had overexposed myself. I've been very careful since I was 19 to always wear sunscreen and stay out of the sun too much. I have very pale skin and my family has a history of skin cancer.

On to something else now... I've noticed something about myself (besides the fact that in this diary I seem very self-absorbed. Then again, it's my diary. That's what diaries are for). Now, I know I promised I'd never mention this man again or bring him up, but this is about him. I spoke to Frank for a tiny bit the other night and I realized that even though he was in the wrong - and he was the one who was a jackass and a son of a bitch the last two weeks of our friendship.. you know, almost treating me like shit so he'd have a nice excuse to kick me to the side so he could be with some chick... I tried very hard to make amends and be friends. What the hell is wrong with me?? Why can't I just let things like this go? Chalk it up to, "well, you treated me like shit so screw you." But no... instead I have to be like, "Hey.. how are you? Let's be friends!" Okay, maybe not that optimistically, but I can be such a dork sometimes. This is something I have to learn: that I don't have to be friends with everybody, and I shouldn't "crawl" back to people and attempt to be friends with them when they totally disrespected me to begin with.

I'd go into detail about how he disrespected me, the realizations I've made now that it's been 2 whole months since this all took place, but I'm not going to dwell on it anymore. I just wanted to say that I need to stop trying to make things hunky dory in situations like this. Not everybody is going to be my friend. Not everybody can be my friend. And that's okay. If everybody was my friend, I'd have way too much responsibility to keep up with so many people.

So, from this point forward, I'm not going to try to amend something that isn't really broken to begin with.

Okay. I'm off now. I have lots of stuff to do.

In 19 Seconds

Last Five Entries:

Life Update - Tuesday, May. 21, 2019
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2019 Resolutions - Wednesday, Jan. 09, 2019
To New Beginnings - Tuesday, Jan. 08, 2019
My Christmas Weekend 2018 - Wednesday, Dec. 26, 2018

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You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

- Dr. Seuss