I once had a life, or rather, life had me. I was one among many or at least I seemed to be....

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Analyze this!
Wednesday, Jul. 02, 2014 2:25 PM

"Everywhere man blames nature and fate, yet his fate is mostly but the echo of his character and passions, his mistakes and weaknesses." - Democritus

I haven't gotten much sleep the last few nights. I'm quite worried about my cat Haley. Sunday night she made this strange noise like a little kid crying for help and then threw up all over the living room carpet. Then she threw up again a few seconds later. Then again a few seconds later after that.

Once she was done throwing up, she would be fine for a bit until she started dry heaving. I thought maybe it was just a kitty flu or she had eaten something bad so I left for work on Monday with Kent keeping an eye on her throughout the day. I guess she dry heaved again throughout the day and her stomach was so tightly swollen it was like a pregnant woman's belly.

We took her to the vet and he did an X-ray on her to make sure it wasn't renal failure or that she hadn't swallowed something she shouldn't have. Thankfully it was neither of these things. He thinks its constipation and that we need to get the blockage out of her. Tonight will be the third night I give her the medicine he provided. I don't know if she's going to the restroom or if it's Comet. I know she's not eating because she doesn't feel good, but I also know her stomach is still swollen even after the two injections the vet gave her.

I'm really worried about her. I am not ready for her to die or have to be put down. She's my baby! I really hope it's just constipation and that this will pass. - See my slight pun there? "This will pass." As in gas passing. As in my cat crapping out the hairball that's possibly clogging up her digestive tract. Okay. Okay. I know. My pun wasn't so funny...

I find the older I get the more serious I become. Or else I've always been pretty serious and I'm just coming into my own. Either way, I feel like I'm running around with deep thoughts in my head 24/7.

Sometimes I scream at them to go away because I need a break, but they like to torment me when I'm my most vulnerable. Most of the time I don't mind them at all. It just how it is. This is who I am. The sooner I accept that, the better off I'll be.

I'm sick and tired of people telling me I'm too serious. I'm tired of them telling me I'm overly sensitive. It's been 36 and a half years! I don't think it's going to change anytime soon - if ever.

I'm also tired of feeling like the odd man out when everybody else around me is laughing and seemingly having a good time. These people know how to banter back and forth. They know the proper time to laugh at a joke. They seem to know what is appropriate and what's not. I, on the other hand, only get a glimpse into this world on rare occasions. Most of the time I am over-analyzing the joke or trying to figure out how said groups of people tick.

I feel, at times, as if I have lost the side of me that had a sense of humor. it makes me wonder if I ever had one at all. I can just hear my mother saying, "You're over-analyzing things again, Jessica." Perhaps she is right. Perhaps she is not. After all, maybe this is just who I am and who I was meant to be - the person who spends their time over-analyzing every little thing.

In 19 Seconds

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Life Update - Tuesday, May. 21, 2019
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You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

- Dr. Seuss