I once had a life, or rather, life had me. I was one among many or at least I seemed to be....

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Update 10000000
Friday, Jul. 25, 2014 2:51 PM

"All the broken hearts in the world still beat." - Ingrid Michaelson, Girls Chase Boys

I just dropped my parents off at the airport. They're on their way to lovely Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island. Once again, I don't get to go this year. However, they did mention taking me and my brother Scott next year. Let's see if they keep their word on that one. They seem to prefer to take their children who have children, and since I highly doubt Scotty and I will be having any kids........ Regardless, I am NOT jealous like they keep insisting I am. I just want to go, too. That's not jealousy. That's just a desire.

I went by the house last night to see where they are at in the building process. Lo' and behold, they have part of the stone on the outside of the house up and the inside is completely painted. I did good. I did real good. The color of the 'green' paint with the dark -almost black- woodwork is extremely top notch. I'm debating on whether to go back by today or wait until the weekend. They seem to get a lot done in a short amount of time.

I'm a bit peeved with the bank right now. They waited 3 months to tell me that they were going to deny my loan. I knew it was going to happen. I just think it's bad business they took so long to do so. Three months! We close on the new house around the 12th of August and they tell me this yesterday. Yesterday! As in 2 and a half weeks before closing on the new house.

Anyhow, they told me they wouldn't deny me if either Kent or my dad cosigned the loan. First of all, Kent was cosigning until they started to look at his medical history and decided he was too much of a risk. I took him off the loan even though they're not allowed, by law, to hold his medical bills against us. They kept telling us we had to pay off these debt collectors first that are popping up on Kent's credit history even though I have proof that we've paid them off already. They just haven't fallen off his credit report for some reason.

Second, from the very beginning I kept telling this guy I wanted my dad to cosign. He kept telling me I didn't need my dad cosigning and that I would be okay. I kept saying I wanted him to cosign anyway but the guy wouldn't listen to me. I knew they'd deny me without him since we are selling the house we're in after the fact. I think they didn't want him to cosign if he didn't have too just to keep me at a higher percentage rate. Ugh! They frustrate the hell out of me. needless to say, my dad is now cosigned on the loan with me - as it should have been from the very beginning! I'd shop around for a new bank to borrow the money from but I doubt they'd approve me in time for closing.

In other news, Kent had back surgery Wednesday. They were able to repair 2 of his 7 fractured vertebrae. Why they didn't fix all 7 at once, I do not know. They did talk about going back in and repairing the other 5 if - and only if - he still experiences a severe amount of pain. He's still suffering from the side affects of surgery so we don't even know if the surgery on the 2 vertebrae have helped yet or not. Time will tell.

His dad took JR on vacation. Kent wanted to go but he had the surgery and all his back issues. When he mentioned to JR he wanted to go too, JR said to him, "Even if you could go, we don't want you there." This hurt Kent's feelings big time and I've had to live through the repercussions of his depressive state brought on by these words. When Kent got on him for saying that, JR was like, "I didn't say it. Pubba did." AS IF Kent's father would say such a rude blasted thing? Please. We weren't born yesterday, you little punk moron.

People keep telling me it's because he doesn't think before he speaks, or they blame it on the fact that he's a teenager. I think these are bullshit excuses. I think this kid is selfish, inconsiderate and needs a good ass whooping from someone who actually cares about him. He has severely low self esteem and people say I should feel sorry for him because of it and the things that have happened to him in the past. I tell them, "You go right ahead. I'm done with the kid. I feel nothing and if that makes me a bitch, so be it."

I do. I literally feel nothing for him. I take that back. I feel anger towards him when he hurts his father. I know so because when he pulls his shit with his dad I have angry dreams involving me kicking this boys ass from one side of the world to the other. In my dreams I'm kicking, screaming, bitch slapping, pulling hair and punching the crap out of him. So yes, I do feel quite a bit of anger. Other than that, I feel nothing for him. I am done with him. As harsh as that sounds, I literally am. I have been for almost a year now since I "kicked him out" of the house.

I guess once he's done with high school, he's supposed to move back in with us. I told Kent no. For one, there's no room. Two, I hope to have a child of my own by then. *knock on wood, although the older I get the more I doubt it happens* I told him JR will be an adult and that makes him responsible for himself therefore he can get his own apartment, a job and start his life career just like every other 18 year high school graduate who doesn't go on to some kind of other educational pursuit. This month the kid had a $900 dental bill because he doesn't take care of his teeth. We took the money out of the account set aside for such things that Kent's dad's supposed to be in charge of. I guess JR threw a fit we were using "his" money to pay the bill. Somehow he has it in his head that this money allotted to him by the government from his dad and mom's social security benefits is for his pure enjoyment and nothing else. Funny thing is, the $900 was only to fix half his mouth. They haven't even done the work on or billed us for the other half. I don't think he gets the fact that once he turns 18 the money stops. Plus, if Kent and I have a child of our own, the money gets split up between the children.

Oh well, enough about that. I'm sick of talking about him. I just need to get out my anger. Still feel like I could kick his ass some, but I guess I'll just do that in my dreams.

In 19 Seconds

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You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

- Dr. Seuss