I once had a life, or rather, life had me. I was one among many or at least I seemed to be....

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The Day After
Wednesday, Sept. 03, 2014 11:03 AM

"Please, don't worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me. Make your life spectacular." Robin williams dead poets society.

I had one of those days yesterday. By one of those days, I mean one of those days. You know the kind, right? You wake up out of bed and nothing goes right. Maybe it starts out with spilling your coffee on your brand new shirt or hitting every red light on your way to work. For me, it was most likely the latter since I don't drink coffee.

I can't even tell you everything that happened yesterday. Let's just say that by the end of the day my frustration level was sky high and I posted this to my twitter account:

"Ever have one of those days where you just want to take a baseball bat to a football dummy and scream like those guys do in Karate? Rawr!!!!"

I also text messaged my mom and told her to tell my dad that I don't appreciate being made to feel like crap and to please refrain from putting down my husband and his past actions. He had to point out that we spent a lot of money on new appliances for the new house because Kent destroyed the old ones. Yes, he did. He did a lot of destruction in the old house. He was also extremely ill and drunk when he destroyed things.

These words are not his excuse. These words are fact. I'm always being told to give people second chances, to never hold against them their past wrong doings, and to give them the benefit of the doubt. After all, wouldn't we hope for the same if the roles were reversed? I am no angel. I have done a lot of wrong in my past. I know what it feels like to have others hang that past over my head all the time, too. I don't want to be that kind of person. We are all victims of our past choices and we must live with the consequences of those choices. We beat ourselves up enough. We don't need other people adding fuel to the fire.

One year ago, Kent quit drinking. He hasn't touched a drop since and all the destruction he caused went away with it, too. That doesn't mean I'm not on guard still, though. I still worry he'll fall back down that path. If he does, I don't know what I'll do. I tried to kick him out in the past but he's like this giant boulder that won't move. I suppose if it goes down that path again, I'll just have to get his dad and my parents involved so he actually takes me seriously and leaves. That is, if it happens again.

Someone like me shouldn't be talking like that. "If it happens again, I'll just kick him out." I mean, you either love him or you don't. You're either in it for the long haul or you're not. My indecisiveness as a Libra comes into play here. I have never been good at making up my mind. I'm always afraid I've made the wrong decision. I'm always tossing the choices back and forth between my two hands debating over the big "yes" and "no" of every little decision.

Okay, maybe not every little decision. After all, I know for a fact that I don't want a tattoo. I don't want to pierce my body in a billion places either. I don't want to dye my hair purple, blue or red like I see some people my age doing. Are they hitting their midlife crisis a bit early here? I remember dying my hair purple in college but that was more a "look at me, I'm not Sandra Dee" sort of mentality. Then again, who am I to judge and question their actions? If they want to make choices most people our age made 20 years ago, then so be it. I actually feel a bit sad for people who feel the need to change themselves just to garner any sort of attention from their peers.

I just realized what time it is. I better stop here before I keep on rambling on. Sure feel talkative today. Maybe it's that chocolate doughnut I had this morning for breakfast.

In 19 Seconds

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You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

- Dr. Seuss