I once had a life, or rather, life had me. I was one among many or at least I seemed to be....


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To be or not to be
Wednesday, Jan. 28, 2015 10:31 AM

“Sensitive people usually love deeply and hate deeply. They don't know any other way to live than by extremes because their emotional thermostat is broken.” ― Shannon L. Alder

Bipolar!

Or so you say.

What the hell, people!?! Make up your god damn minds.

Am I or am I not?

After last nights fiasco at the house, I'm starting to question my own sanity.

That is NOT cool.

Go ahead and let the poor little dumb ass manipulate the situation because he's "oh so depressed" and "scared" of me.

Go ahead and believe what you will. You've already made up your minds anyway.

"You're jealous of him."

Bullshit.

There's a huge difference between jealousy and hate, and what I feel for the dumb ass is hate.

Nothing.
But.
Hate.

That's my issue. Not yours. I'll deal with it in my own way on my own time.

I don't give a shit that he's "just a kid." He's a 16 year old punk who has pulled some seriously outrageous shit that doesn't fly well with me.

"Get over it," you say.

No.

Not yet.

Not until he's no longer under my roof. Oh. I'm sorry. "Our" roof.

Selfish bitch? Yes.

Bipolar? I have no fucking clue!

I don't...

know....

ANYMORE!

Because of the past. Before any of this.

It doesn't make sense.

Look at the list.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Well, sometimes.

Maybe?

Well, if I've had those symptoms then it must be true!

And that doctor of mine from years ago who asked me if I was schizophrenic? Did she think I was suffering from the psychotic symptoms of this?

No.

It's not possible.

Talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another, having racing thoughts, being easily distracted, having problems concentrating or making decisions, difficulty remembering, irritable, feeling tired or slowed down......

Yes. No. Maybe so. Who knows anymore?

All those symptoms can also be blamed on past events. Who wouldn't suffer from some of those at some point in their life if they've been through what I have?

Or did those things happen because of the symptoms?

God, this is so frustratingly exhausting!

Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not.

But just because I HATE the dumb ass kid, doesn't mean I am.

It just means I hate him.

I don't have to like everybody.

Now let me be.

I need a nap.


In 19 Seconds

Last Five Entries:

I Hate Mondays - Monday, Dec. 10, 2018
Just FYI - Monday, Dec. 03, 2018
Comfortably Numb - Tuesday, Nov. 27, 2018
PFA's and Finding Peace - Monday, Aug. 27, 2018
I didn't ask for all this drama! - Tuesday, Jul. 31, 2018


Other Diaries:

badbadzoot | callmepearl | candikurlz | catsoul
cocoabean | curious-me | illusionless | kenny-loo
musikoid | shewholies | starkitten | xorbit | Zenayda
jnw77 <-- My old Diary


You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

- Dr. Seuss