I once had a life, or rather, life had me. I was one among many or at least I seemed to be....


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Life's a piece of S***
Tuesday, Mar. 03, 2015 1:16 PM

“Before you can live a part of you has to die. You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently. You have to accept that you can’t change the past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time or outcomes from their choices or yours. When you finally recognize that truth then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness of yourself and others. From this point you will finally be free.” ― Shannon L. Alder

So I'm basically being told I need to learn to forgive, forget, and move on. How? How do you do that? Seriously?

Why do I suddenly feel like I'm being ganged up on? Why do I feel like the bad guy in this entire situation? If I had a dime for every time someone told me, "he's just a kid," I'd be rich.

For the next 170 days we have to receive visits from a state appointed social worker who will evaluate our situation. We met with her for the first time today. She's a very nice lady, but I feel like I'm being railroaded into something I don't want to do. Not only that, but next time we meet with her we have to pick a family counseling service. Is this the only option that we have? Truly?

Why can't people get it through their heads that I am DONE. I want nothing to do with JR anymore. I don't want to talk about him. I don't want to socialize with him. I don't even want to know that he exists. Of course, that's much harder to do when Kent keeps bringing him up and the teenager lives under our roof.

And now JR's telling his dad he wants to commit suicide. It's always "I'm the victim and I demand attention and if you don't give it to me I'm going to do horrible things to you." At least the counselor we met with this morning agrees that Jenny most likely did drugs when pregnant with him, thus making him a crack baby.

Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel trapped in a nightmare where I'm the only one who sees the truth - and the more I push for others to see it, too, the worse the nightmare gets. It's enough to make me shut down completely and close myself off to everyone.

Here's to hoping my life quits revolving around this madness I find myself in. At least if I lose my mind completely, I won't know it. That's one way to look at it, I suppose. Always look on the bright side of life, eh?

In 19 Seconds

Last Five Entries:

I Hate Mondays - Monday, Dec. 10, 2018
Just FYI - Monday, Dec. 03, 2018
Comfortably Numb - Tuesday, Nov. 27, 2018
PFA's and Finding Peace - Monday, Aug. 27, 2018
I didn't ask for all this drama! - Tuesday, Jul. 31, 2018


Other Diaries:

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You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

- Dr. Seuss