What I want
Wednesday, Mar. 25, 2015 11:36 AM
I feel like there might be something that I'll miss
I feel like the window closes oh so quick
I'm taking a mental picture of you now
The hope is we have so much to feel good about.
- Good Life, OneRepublic
I want to run. I want to take off. I want to feel endless hours of empty highway in front of me. I want to run into the middle of an open field and scream my head off.
I want to throw a temper tantrum. I want to take a baseball bat to a football dummy until the stuffing comes out. I want to dig my fingers into the earth until I'm covered completely in dirt.
I want to climb the highest mountain and jump off backwards. I want to climb over the railings of a bridge and jump off face forward. I want to dive off a cliff into open water and feel myself drown.
I want to let go.
I don't want to grow old. I don't want to feel like I'm mentally 18 but have the body of an 80 year old. I don't want to look into the mirror and wonder where my youth went.
I don't want gray hair. I don't want to lose my mind to Alzheimer's. I don't want to take a million pills just to get through one day. I don't want someone else taking care of me like I've gone backwards in time and I'm a baby again.
I don't want to be around when my parents pass away. I don't want to be alive when my cats pass on. I don't want to be here when Kent's illness finally takes him.
I don't want to worry about the future. I don't want to worry about carrying on my bloodline. I don't want to worry.
I just want to fall asleep and never wake up again.