I once had a life, or rather, life had me. I was one among many or at least I seemed to be....

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Just a bunch of bullshit.
Tuesday, Jun. 02, 2015 11:55 AM

“I don't want to do anything. I don't even want to start this day because then I'll just be expected to finish it.” ― Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl

It's been raining here like cats and dogs. I remember when I was a little girl we'd have rain like this. My brother and I would throw on my dad's t-shirts and go splash around in the puddles for hours. We'd slip and slide along the curb and gather worms that seemed to only appear after a good rain. Now days you can't even get me to touch a slippery little sucker at all without feeling squeamish. But, oh, how I wish I were little again when the simple things in life were so much fun.

I am feeling anti-social. I quit playing WoW for now. I have no motivation to log on anymore. I even went so far as to deactivate my Facebook account. I see no point in having one anymore. For me, it's a pointless site. All I log on to see are people posting random picture quotes, playing silly games, only posting their "look how happy I am" selfies and "look at my beautiful children and happy family" pics, and taking quizzes.

I don't want to see a bunch of "I've survived" and "I don't give a shit what you think about me because only my opinion matters" picture quotes. I don't want my entire news feed to be full of that crap. I don't care if your self esteem only comes from sharing such quotes with other people. I don't care that you feel the need to constantly "up" yourself, either.

I don't want to constantly be asked to play candy crush or some other game all the time. I don't want to be playing that game and have to rely on a billion friends (let's be honest here... a billion strangers who need another billion strangers to be their friends) just to get anywhere in the stupid ass game. I don't want to put any money into those games and their creators greedy little pocketbooks, either, just because I choose to not add a billion strangers to my page.

I don't want to take a million quizzes nor do I really care what your million quiz results are. I don't care that your aura is the color of orange or yellow. I don't care that you were possibly Jesus H. Christ in a past life. I don't care what your stripper name is, how many children you may or may not have, or what your online IQ may be.

I don't want to see a bunch of pictures of how cute your dog or cat is. I don't want to see another cooing baby pic or another "my child is so awesome and fantastic" post. I don't want to see a million selfies where the person is trying to look sexy, funny, or cool.

What is Facebook? Mindless entertainment? Yes. Real? No. None of it is real. People can keep plugging away at it until the end of time for all I care, but I no longer want to be a part of that. The only thing I do not like is losing contact with some very good people. However, if they truly wanted to be a part of my life they'd do more than be connected to me through a random internet social site. I suppose that goes both ways. If my social anxiety wasn't in such high gear, I'm sure I'd reach out more to them and be a bit more social. I'm also sick and tired of my family. Not my immediate family. Just the rest of my family. I'm not even sure why. It's not like I'm close to my cousins or anything.

At least I have two sources of happiness right now. My cats and the flowers I bought for the outside of my house. Watering the flowers once a day and caring for them and the cats makes me feel peaceful. I like to sit outside and just stare off into nothing, listening to the birds chirping while Comet or Haley lazily twine themselves between my legs.

I just.... I'm just tired. I'm tired of feeling. I'm tired of thinking. I'm tired of this constant pursuit of happiness. It all seems to be a bunch of bullshit.

Just a bunch of bullshit.

In 19 Seconds

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You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

- Dr. Seuss