I once had a life, or rather, life had me. I was one among many or at least I seemed to be....

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Tuesday, Jun. 16, 2015 3:45 PM

And maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now, and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow
Someday. - Rob Thomas

The week before last my aunt took off out of town and asked us to watch my grandma. We went over there everyday for an entire week to make sure she took her pills and visit for awhile. Then on Saturday my aunt returned only to leave again that night. So my sister went over to my grandma's on Sunday only to find my grandma in bed covered in more than just blood. We'll leave it at that. My mother went over to my grandma's and cleaned her up only to find that she did something horrible to her legs. She called the paramedics and they took my grandma to the hospital. She spent 4 days there with them running test after test to see what was wrong. Turns out she not only has COPD (and has had that for awhile now), but she must have fallen or done something because she had torn her hamstring and hip muscle. This week she's in a rehabilitation center and I believe she'll be there for a few weeks.

As for her mental state: it is horrible. She knows who I am, but she has no clue who any of her other grandchildren are. She knows her children but she mixes their names up all the time. She thinks she's staying in a hotel resort and keeps mentioning she can't wait to get home to Wellington - a town she hasn't lived in for over 50 years. I went and visited her yesterday and she kept going on about how she had the best time teaching the kids over at the school in the morning. She thinks the building next door, which is directly outside her window, is a school because it has a flag pole. She kept waiting for the kids to get out of school so she could watch them head to their parents' cars. Whenever I show up she asks me how the drive was from Salina. I kept telling her I was from Wichita, but gave up after awhile. It's much easier to go along with her statements than it is to try and reason with her.

She's definitely hit the plateau of memory loss. Her dementia is horrible now. My mother sees it. I see it. Her siblings and my cousins refuse to see it. We told them this might be time to transition Grandma into a nursing home but they are putting up a major fight to keep her out of one. Nobody wants to live with her 24/7 and she needs 24/7 care now. I have a bad feeling this is going to cause rifts in the family when the final decision is made.

So it goes.

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You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

- Dr. Seuss