to be
Monday, Jun. 11, 2007 11:42 AM

"My life has been one great big joke, a dance that's walked a song that's spoke, I laugh so hard I almost choke when I think about myself." - Maya Angelou

What is the meaning of life? Is it the pursuit of happiness? Is that what people strive for? Or do all of us wake up and pretend to know what we want out of life even though we don't have a damn clue?

I feel like a broken record, constantly repeating myself over and over and over again. It's because I'm looking for an answer. I want something definitive on my plate. I want to know that this existence isn't futile, because, more and more, it's beginning to feel like it is.

Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting away the best years of my life. I feel like I could be doing more with myself. And a lot of what I'm feeling stems from the fact that I often feel like I've lost years of my life.

I can't regret those years, though. I think without them I'd still be this lost child running around clueless looking for someone to guide me. No. Those years opened up my ability to start living... so I can't regret them. I won't.

Depending on the situation, I often find myself asking the questions, "Why me and not her?" or "Why her and not me?"

I give myself one year. One year to improve my state of mind, my state of being, my body, and my soul. If I can improve my overall self mentally, emotionally and physically... I think that I would be in a better place overall.. a position to help others or a position to move forward with my life and into a positive place. I think I need that. No, I know I need that.

Yes. One year from now, I plan to be a completely different person, a better person. I hope people hold me to this. I need all the support that I can get.