Oh boy!
Friday, Jan. 25, 2008 6:40 AM
�May you grow up to be righteous, may you grow up to be true. May you always know the truth and see the lights surrounding you. May you always be courageous, stand upright and be strong. May you stay forever young.� - Bob Dylan
I know. I know. It's been awhile. It's even been longer than a week this time. What is my excuse? I don't have one. Sure, I was sick all day Wednesday and Thursday, but that's nothing new. Today I have a stuffed up nose and a cough to go along with it. Again, that's nothing new. The cough is the same as always and it's starting to annoy the hell out of me. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired that it's driving me nuts.
So today is the day! Yes, today is the day that I start my sugar free existance for the next 30 days. It HAS to be done. No more excuses. No more prolonging the inevitable. If I want to heal 100% and move forward with my life, this must be done. And today is the day that I begin it all.
I'll probably turn into a major bitch. I'll be going through serious sugar withdrawal and I know it won't be pretty. The sad thing is, it has to be done. No ifs, ands or buts about it. My motivation? Well, right now its to get rid of this damn cough I can't seem to shake for the life of me. Other than that, I need some! I need some motivation. And discipline. I'll need help, people. Serious help. I'll need somebody cheering me on in a big way.
I keep telling myself its only for 30 days, but with 30 days looming ahead of me, it seems like forever. I'm even taking the mini calander my dad gave me and using it to count off the days. I think I should put little motivational sayings within the passages that say things like, "Only 29 days left to go!" or "You're one step closer to your goal. Don't give up yet!"
I think the hardest part is going to be eating only salad. I'll probably get so sick of rabbit food, but it's the only thing I know to eat. I can mix it up a bit. You know, add in different veggies everyday or something. Oh god. What am I doing? This is going to be freaking hard!!!!!!!
Okay. I may write in here a lot during the next 30 days just to moan about the food I'm depriving my body of. But hey.. maybe I'll find out that I feel a thousand times better. Maybe the snot clogging up my nose will disappear! Maybe I won't cough anymore! Won't that be grand? And I'll be repairing the cells that I need to repair in order to lose this freaking weight I piled on after Ashley died.
Yes, I can do this. I will do this. If not for anything but to stop being sick all the time.
On to other news in my life....
Turns out Adam's a bit of a hypocrite. The stupid punk comes to me bitching and moaning about how his ex is a psycho bitch only to turn around and jump back between the sheets with her less than 2 weeks later. Or maybe it was longer than 2 weeks. I don't know. I wasn't paying much attention to the whole drama they were spewing. I just remember what he said about her because he seemed to want to tell me all about it. That's probably because I'm the enemy. I was the taboo one he attempted to use to get back at her.
Unfortunately for him, I cannot be used. First of all, he was used goods. Second, he has a child with another woman offline that he's supposedly still sleeping with so there was no way in hell I was interested after finding that out. And third... he was boring as hell within two days of striking up a so called friendship. My curiosity was piqued or I wouldn't have continued tossing notes back and forth. My diabolical mind wanted to see what little fiasco he was trying to stir up so I played like I was interested even though I was laughing the entire time. I showed his posts to a friend of mine and we had a nice little chuckle over it all. All he wanted to talk about was the psycho bitch or sex. Please! Get a life.
I figure Karma will come and kick them both in the ass someday. Hopefully I won't be around when it does. I'm not in the mood to listen to him bitch and moan again. That was god awful. Only women should be allowed to bitch and moan - and only when they're PMSing and have the excuse to do so.
To each their own, I say. I am letting it all roll over me and beyond me now. I just think it's amazing how many online relationships are a scam. Of course, NOT ALL of them are. Just the majority of them. Once again, to each their own. To each their own.
My grandpa turns 85 today. I'm not sure whether to wish him a Happy Birthday or not. I only say this because... well... sadly, he's not all there. In fact, he's gotten so bad these last few weeks that he only recognizes my mom now. She went over there last week only to have him say, "I remember you. We used to watch you when you were little. I don't remember why we watched you, but you'd come over and we'd watch you."
He's lacking mental stimulation in a serious way, which is key to keeping alzheimer symptoms at bay. All he does is watch TV all day. The only person he socializes with is my anti-social grandmother and my aunt Janna right now. Grandma won't take him out. She's afraid to go out! And Janna can't take him out because he won't leave the house without Grandma.
It's real sad. They've holed themselves up in their house and they're just waiting until they die. You can't invite them out to do anything. They won't go. You can't go over there and visit for very long because they fall asleep on you while you're there. If you call and talk on the phone, they're anxious to get off of it. It's a no win situation and I'm not sure how to approach it.
But anyhow, today my grandpa is 85. We'll see what the day has in store for us. I could call him on the phone but I doubt he'd know who I was. Last time I stopped by to talk to him, he didn't recognize me. Hell, his own kids are becoming strangers to him. It's terribly sad and heartbreaking, but there's nothing we can do. I know it's not his fault, but what does one do?
Wish me luck! It's now 7:37 AM. 30 days still left to go. Oh boy!
