The Return
Friday, Feb. 08, 2008 2:02 PM

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." - Nelson Mandela

I had a strange day yesterday, strange in the way where I felt like I was experiencing everything from a distance. It wasn't that I felt detached from my body or my surroundings. It was more like... well... like everything that was taking place wasn't really taking place even though I knew for certain that it was.

And just as I was sitting here feeling shitty about my life and completely and totally disgusted with my body, the lover's guild comes out of the woodwork. Are they searching for someone to share Valentine's Day with? Or is the universe sending them my way to make me feel less crappy about life?

The first one to come forward was Tim, the guy who wanted to date me back in October but my brother told me to stay away from him. He asked me to add him to my My Space page again and he swore up and down he wouldn't remove me this time. He finally moved out to Colorado, a move I'm envious of since I seem rooted and stuck in place here. And he has a girlfriend, one who is willing to swap mooshy love notes back and forth with him. I am happy for him, but I can't help but ask myself if this was his attempt to make me jealous. It didn't work. I'm ten times prettier than the girl is, and I still don't want to date him.

And there's the return of someone I thought I'd never speak to again for at least 5 years. Yes, he's back. R.J. has returned to the scene. I haven't verbally spoken to him yet or seen him, but we text messaged each other like crazy last night. If that's not surprising enough, imagine my surprise when I opened up my in-box and found a letter from him waiting for me. All it said was, "Call me as soon as you get this."

I didn't call right away. I was waiting on the Dell guy to call so we could wipe my computer completely clean and reinstall everything. That gave me ample time to think things through, and debate over whether or not I wanted to call him.

Of course, my curiosity got the best of me. It always does. And I couldn't help but remember the giddy feeling I'd get everytime he looked at me, or how soft his lips felt pressed against mine. And the way it felt to have him on top of me, his body radiating heat. If anything, my attraction for him is purely physical.

Anyhow, enough about that. I just found out my brother bought a kitten from a lady who breeds special types of cats. Now I'm looking at pictures of all the adorable cats and dogs that need homes but are sheltered up at the humanes society, and it's making me sad. I desperately want to adopt two of the cats and bring them home with me. My god, I want to adopt them all but I don't have the room! Nor do I have the money, and my allergies are bad enough with the two cats I do own. But my god.. I want to adopt them all. And I want to adopt all the puppies and dogs, too. Why can't there be loving homes for all animals? And why must people breed animals when there's already not enough homes for the others?

I have to go now. This upsets me. Plus, I'm so sick and tired of the computer that I'm about to go insane.