Whatever
Monday, May. 05, 2008 4:12 PM

�I'm sick of everybody telling me what to do.� - Bill Watterson

I know it's the Prozac. This happened last time and it's happening again. I'm having strange dreams.

One of them featured my brother. He was beating me up so I started to beat him up. The entire dream went on like that with us taking sucker punches at each other. In the dream, there was no pain, but I could see blood all over us.

Another dream had me missing my teeth. I had all my front teeth, but when I opened up my mouth, I was missing a lot of my back teeth. It was okay, though. I was being fitted for false teeth. But isn't that just a strange dream to have? I wonder if it means anything.

Those are the two most recent and vivid dreams. I can't remember any others at the moment. All I know is, I dream every night, and its usually violent.

Sabrina says it's because I tend to bottle everything up inside. She says I'm passive until I just blow up. She may be right, but I don't know. I don't feel numb. I still feel emotions. I still feel sadness, pain and happiness. I just seem to be in a state of "whatever" these days.

For example, somebody gets hit by a car and their body flies through the air and lands 12 feet away all broken and bloody. My reaction? "Oh, wow. How cool was that? Fuck! Okay. I hope they're all right. Whatever."

And I've lost almost complete interest in the chatroom I used to visit. Everytime I log in there I wonder what I'm doing there. A part of me will probably always have some sort of emotional attachment to the place. I mean, I did sorta "grow up" in there. Maybe... hopefully... I'm moving past it. I always thought it was a wasteless addiction. I mean, how many years of my life did I lose sitting in front of a computer screen chatting? The only good thing to come out of it was the friendships I've made with quite a few people. Other than that, it was all pointless.

Anyhow, I have a lot going on mentally right now. I'm going to probably pop on here and share it later. I have to get back to work for the time being... but don't be alarmed if some of my entries end up being a bit morbid.