I got my passport!
Tuesday, May. 20, 2008 12:36 AM
"The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power." - Hugh White
I got my passport! I got my passport! It finally arrived in the mail. Woohoo! I'm also booked for an all expense paid trip to Nova Scotia July 28th through August 4th. I'm leaving the country! Can life get any better than this?
It's funny. I look like a convict in the photo. I also look Native American for some reason. Then again, I just found out this month that we have Native American blood in us. Pretty interesting stuff. That just makes me more of an American Mutt.
I had the strangest dream the other night. I dreamt my cousin Esther was choking me to death, and I told her to just go ahead and do it. She wouldn't do it when I egged her on. It's like, in the dream, she just wanted to do it if I didn't want it done. And then suddenly I was in my house. I kept running around the house trying to make sure all the doors were locked. My cousin and her immediate family showed up and I kept screaming at them to leave me alone. I kept yelling at them to leave my house and never come back. Of course, they wouldn't leave. So it goes, I say! I'm not even going to attempt evaluating that dream.
I do wonder why I'm always dreaming about running around my house locking doors and turning off lights, though. It's like I have this inner fear I'm unaware of where somebody is going to break into my home and do something bad to me. Or something along those lines. Maybe it's a realistic fear. I don't know.
Well, I'm sitting here avoiding the infamous chatroom. I keep putting it and the people who chat there down, but I can't continue to do that. There are a lot of people from that room I'm friends with so my negativity towards that room doesn't apply to them. I just keep thinking about how pointless it is.
I peek into the room and it's the same old people every single time. There's never anybody new. And these same old people continue to do the same old things. They speak negatively about the same people carrying around some pointless hatred for a person they'll never meet in person. And what for? I don't get it. I don't even want to understand it. I don't think it's worth debating. I don't think it's worth wondering about. I just think the people in there need to get a fucking life.
Which leads me to my next short, but sweet, tangent. I feel betrayed once again. Here I go and let someone back into my life because he needs me, only to find out through the gossip grapevine that he's calling me a cunt, etc. etc. etc.
Okay. I don't really feel betrayed. I'm just slightly pissed off at myself for believing things were different this time. I'm just glad I found out the truth before I let myself become convinced things would be different. And it has nothing to do with the fact that he and his friend are obsessed with the size of my cunt, calling me a cunt, and what-not. I really don't care about that. It's the respect thing.
I'm talking to a good friend about it right now. He has a valid point. Why should I feel any sort of guilt over the loss of this friendship? It's not my responsibility to save him or to be there for him. If he wants me to be there for him, then he has to earn that trust again. He's not showing any signs of wanting to earn it by calling me a cunt and... well.. even talking about me negatively with anybody period.
I guess I'll just let it go once again, slide back into my life with my wonderful offline friends. For now, my focus is on my upcoming trip. Life couldn't get any better than that. I got my passport!!!!!!
