just an update
Tuesday, Jan. 03, 2012 4:57 PM

"For time and the world do not stand still. Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or the present are certain to miss the future." - John F. Kennedy

There's always so much I want to say. I wish I could carry a recorder with me all the time so that I can go back and focus on at least one of my thoughts. Right now, I miss out on a lot of writing because I'm never near a computer to express my thoughts.

Then again, what is the point? Is there one? If I spend hours typing up everything going on in my head, will it matter 100 years from now? Most likely not. When we leave this world behind, we don't carry anything with us. We don't take with us all our material possessions, the wealth earned or gained, or the body's that we temporarily exist in. Do you ever think about that? Or am I the only one?

This book.. this purpose driven life... how is it meant to make me feel better when it makes me think about how everything I'm living for on the earth today is wrong wrong wrong. And that when I die, everything I did on earth will be judged. Yet.... nothing I did of importance will continue to exist? It's like a slap in the face. We grow up being told we're special when in reality we're just another blob of human flesh taking up space. How depressing!

And of course JR is back from staying with his mom all Christmas break. Now my nerves are on edge and my blood pressure is sky high. I don't mean to live like this, just waiting for the ball to drop, but it never fails. He always does something stupid or he acts abusive towards his dad. I'm so tired of him abusing his father physically and verbally just because his dad is sick. And there's not much we can do about it because he's ODD, and ODD kids tend to do whatever they want no matter the consequences. They're like, "whatever. If I burn, I burn." It's very frustrating. And when he threw his dad down in the garage and broke one of Kent's ribs, I just wanted to slap the kid. Since then I have Kent keeping a journal of everything JR does or says to him. Next time he abuses his dad physically I'm calling the cops. I don't want to be known as that type of person who is living around abuse, but what else can I do? And as for Kent.. well, I just hope he keeps track of things in his notebook well enough so it's like a journal of events that they can look back on and see if worse comes to worse.

As for the rest of me? I went to the doctor today and he told me I have asthma. On Friday he's giving me a complete physical. We're FINALLY going to figure out what's wrong with my body physically. It's about time. I have become so depressed these last few years because my life has been taken away from me in a big way. I want it back. I want it back like you wouldn't believe. I just hope I get it back.

Until next time... Happy New Year everybody!