Control Freak
Thursday, Apr. 26, 2012 3:21 PM
"When you control the ball, you control the score." - Pele
Today, I do not love my job anymore. Tomorrow I will probably love it again, but right now I don't. Why? Because I'm sick and tired of always ending up being the peon. I'm 34 years old. I'll be 35 years old this year, and what have I accomplished in my life career wise? Nothing.
I'm still the person they make "create" the folders. What I don't understand is why J. didn't make the folders herself as soon as the new vendors came in. Nope. Instead they piled up until there were over 75 of them and guess who got to do the dirty work? Me. And guess how they informed me I was going to be doing them? They dropped a huge box of folders onto the desk with labels. They didn't even ask!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and guess who ends up having to stuff, lick and stamp every billing that needs to go out for a company I don't even work for? ME. Why? Because J. doesn't want to do it. And now I've come to find out that one of the companies that was supposed to be MINE is going to be J's except for the grunt work (the freaking billiing!). She's 20 something years old with less work experience than me, and yet I seem to always end up being treated like an intern.
I am so sick and tired of this life. But what can I do? I have a dying husband who needs me in the mornings and there is no other place on earth that would hire me on part time with health benefits and good pay like my dad has done. Now, I love working for my dad. I love the work I do for him. I love keeping track of everything for him and being like his secretary. What I don't like is having to do work for the other company that I don't even work for!
I have a college education. I have a brain. I'm not an idiot. So then why do I feel like one, and why do I feel like I'm always treated like one?
That's it. It's official. I'm a complete and total control freak, and when I'm not in control I begin to hate my life. Literally. No doubt about it. Then again, at this point in my life, I don't think even being in control the slightest bit would make me happy. I seem to have fallen off the happy wagon and I'm trudging down the dirt path not even sure if I want to keep moving forward.
Dear god... please "grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...."
