The Lion King
Monday, Oct. 01, 2012 4:32 PM
�Everything you see exists together in a delicate balance. As king, you need to understand that balance, and respect all the creatures from the crawling ant to the leaping antelope.� - Mufasa
Thursday night my parents took me, my Aunt Janna, and my sister Angie and her entire family to see the Broadway adaptation of The Lion King. It was AMAZING! I've seen four Broadway plays now and it is by far the best one to date. It was enthralling. The costumes alone held you captive. It was the way in which they brought the grass to life by using human beings as the grass, the way they had people up on stilts and walking around in giant giraffe costumes, the way they danced around ballet style with sticks twirling birds through the air, and how they represented all the key players.
I've been to Wicked before and I loved it. Wicked was awesome in its own right but The Lion King was breathtaking. It completely blew me away. I'd go again and again just to hear the music and see the visuals.
Saturday was my cousin Audrey's bridal shower. I picked up my grandma, drove us to my mom's house and the three of us rode together. I always go to these family events partially just to get out of the house and partially because I feel obligated too. It's not that I don't want to go to them, but I feel very strange around Audrey, Kristin and Esther ever since the whole fiasco with the desks at work years ago with Esther. I never did feel like I could relate to them to begin with except when they were children. It's like the minute my cousins grew up into adults I felt extremely uncomfortable around them. I wonder what that says about me.
I was able to see my cousin Jackie who is just one year younger than me almost to the date. She was born Oct. 21, while I was born Oct. 19. We get along great and I was happy to catch up with her. She made the entire afternoon well worth it. I didn't spend the entire time just sitting there staring off into space like I do at the family functions.
I don't know if its my shyness kicking in or what it is. All I know is that I go to these things, usually with my grandma, my mother, or both and I feel displaced, completely and utterly disconnected from the entire situation. I have to force myself to look interested, have to place a fake smile upon my lips and hope that nobody notices that it's all a lie. I'd rather be burying my face between the pages of a book or curling up on the sofa so I can watch worthless hours of television.
This makes me ask myself why I torment myself by even going. It's not like my entire family attends these things. My sisters and my brother hardly ever go. They normally show up at the annual Thanksgiving dinner and that's it. So why do I feel like I have to represent our family at these things every year? And why do I feel like if I don't go I'm letting everybody down?
So yeah... I torment myself with family things because sometimes I need to get away from the house I feel trapped in a lot. It's not like I have a lot going on socially. And sadly, it's only family members who invite me to things anymore (most likely because they have too). If you've ever lived with someone who is sick with cancer or has some sort of disorder, you more than likely understand where I'm coming from. One day, you have a group of friends whom you hang out with and do things with. Then, without realizing it, you wake up one day and find that those friends have become acquintances.
Sure, for awhile they try. They call and ask you out. Sometimes you go, but most of the time you have to say no because "so and so" isn't feeling very well and you're afraid to leave him at home by himself in case something happens. Then the invitiations stop coming and you're down to obligatory phone calls. "Hey, how are you?" And you tell them exactly how you are. After all, they're your close friends and they mean well. Then suddenly those phone calls turn into, "Hey, how are you?" "Oh, I'm okay. How are you?" Because you just KNOW that they're tired of hearing the same things every single time they talk to you.
And then.... the phone calls aren't as regular as they used to be. Promises are made to come over and catch up. For awhile you see these friends as they drop by until one day they come up with excuses as to why they can't show up. They make promises to catch up with you but the promises are broken and you're left standing around with a dozen hamburger and hot dog buns, too much meat to feed a family of three, and a bunch of pop you bought for the occassion. They call to apologize with some lame excuse, but you let the phone call go to the answering machine because you really don't feel like talking to them at the moment. You don't want to pick up the phone and use your fake voice to say, "oh, it's okay. Maybe next time." No.. you just want to let them leave their lame excuse on the answering machine so you don't have to deal with another rejection.
Have you ever noticed how you have all these Facebook friends who aren't really friends but just people you know? And you add them because you want to seem like you're popular and with it, and they add you because they want to add to their number of friends too. You watch them live their lives as they broadcast it across the pages. You see their children growing up in pictures, hear about the loss of their loved ones, and listen to them go on and on about either their troubles or their joys. Sometimes all they post are random quotes or jokes on random pictures found on some other random facebook user's homepage to which you randomly share on your page because maybe that one does seem like you or sounds kind of funny.
Are we all really that lonely that we reach out to people on social networks looking for some sign of approval, some words of comfort, or someone to acknowledge our existence?
