He's not my kid. He's not my problem.
Monday, Sept. 29, 2014 10:50 AM

�It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.� ― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish

I have less than one month of "freedom" left. Very soon JR will be moving back in with us. I'm not looking forward to this at all. I know that, while they may have good intentions and say that Kent will be doing most of the parenting, I know better. He's not all there. He never is. He looks and acts like a homeless drug addict - even though that's not the case at all. The drugs he's on isn't something he has control over, but they make him half the man he is mentally and physically.

I don't want to parent JR. I don't want to be responsible for him. I don't like him. That's not repairable. I don't care how much I'm told to let things go, to move on from the past, to give more chances. I am tired of hearing these words ALL. THE. TIME. He is not my kid. He's not my problem. He's flunking online schooling and now has to repeat a quarter of a semester. He's been kicked out of the program he's in and everything. I don't want him moving in. I don't want him living with us beyond the age of 18. I don't want to be responsible for him. I don't like him. I don't like him and I never will. He makes me sick to my stomach. Everything about him makes me sick to my stomach. The way he acts, the way he talks, the way he looks. Every little thing makes me sick.

He's not my kid.

He's not my problem.

So then why does the universe want to do this to me? Why is karma kicking me in the ass like this? I know I'm not a perfect person. I know I've done things and said things I shouldn't have, but I've done a lot of good in my life, too. Why is the universe mocking me? Whatever did I do to deserve this?? Why can't something go my way for once?

I'm so sick and tired of this roller coaster ride. Why can't life just be a flat road with one destination instead of having all these bumps and curves in it?

I guess I better make the most of the last month of my free life. Ugh. What am I going to do? He's not my kid. He's not my problem!