I once had a life, or rather, life had me. I was one among many or at least I seemed to be....

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Argh. Argh. Argh!
Monday, Oct. 27, 2014 11:34 AM

"Life is never still." - My favorite saying

I went off on my stepson last night. He's staying with us until Tuesday. I guess he's living with his grandpa until Nov. 10th now. Fine by me. The more the time gets pushed back, the better off I am. He told me last night I was jealous of him and that's why I'm such a bitch. So I said to him that no, I wasn't jealous of him. Then I went on to say that I hated him and he's not welcome under my roof. That I'm only allowing him under the roof until he's 18 because of his father. He spat back that he hated me too, which I think he was hoping would hurt my feelings or cause some kind of reaction but it didn't.

Then he went on to say he should blow his brains out, to which I replied that maybe he should if he wants to be that selfish and manipulative towards his dad's emotions. He went on to say that of course I wouldn't care if he blew his brains out, and I just smiled and repeated myself on how selfish and manipulating that statement is. He tried to go on about how depressed he is and attempt to manipulate me to feel sorry for him. I told him that he wasn't depressed. I said that half of what he's going through is normal because his hormones are all out of whack, and the other half is him grieving because he's never taken the time to grieve for all the loss he's experienced. His mother died 3 years ago from a drug overdose. Her boyfriend committed suicide last May.. and in January his grandma died from COPD.

Now, in most cases, I'd feel empathy for the person going through so much loss and having to see so much death at such a young age... but with him I feel nothing but anger.I mean there is just so much stuff he's done that it would take a saint to forgive this child and I am no saint. And I told him all this, too. Then I told him why. I told him about how he verbally and physically abused me, his dad, and my cats. I told him about all the crap he pulled that wasn't normal crap from a normal kid. He's not normal. He even physically attacked his therapists, which I just found out about last night. I'm not sure if that's from the Conduct Disorder or the Oppositional Defiance Disorder he was diagnosed with. I listed everything I could remember that he's done. And he acted like he didn't believe us and that he never did such things. I'm not sure if he's pretending to not remember or if he truly doesn't remember. After all, this kid is a master manipulator.

I also told him that the whole reason I didn't want him to move back in is because I don't trust him. I don't trust him to be responsible or kind to his father and my cats. He kept going on about how he's moving back in and that I should learn to respect him. I said that respect requires trust and mutual respect, two things that are missing here because of his past actions. I told him how my family shunned me because they didn't want their kids around him, and for someone who is as family oriented as I am, that is a major blow. I "reminded" him about what he did to my nephew Joe and my niece Megan. I "reminded" him again about what he did to his dad breaking his ribs (which I found out last night was not the only time he abused Kent physically in that large of a manner... and let me tell you that pissed me off. Then he went on to say I physically abused him. I said, "where's the proof?" I guess I slammed a door in his face and it knocked him backwards and he landed on his ass. That's abuse? I swear to God, this kid is something else. I have never touched him, and I never will. He disgusts me.

Anyhow, after I was done going off on him I felt so much better.. like years worth of frustration and anger were lifted off of me like a weight. Then last night I was lying in bed and I couldn't fall asleep because all I could think about was how I should have said, "to be jealous, it would require me to covet something you have.. and you have nothing that I want." Then I argued with myself for still thinking about the whole conversation and how I should just let it all go because what is done is done. I just know that it's not the last time this type of conversation is going to take place. Deep down, I know letting it all out hasn't resolved all the issues inside me that I've been struggling with for years. It's almost as if I need to just keep letting it out until it's been over saturated.

On the plus side, I celebrated my 37th birthday on Oct. 19th in Salt Lake City, Utah with my mom, dad, Kent, and two great aunts, Vera and Toni. We drove out there to say "goodbye" to Vera, who is 94 years old and was recently told her kidneys are shutting down. She's such a sweetheart. I wish I could have stayed with her or brought her home with me. She has horrible osteoporosis so she's badly hunched over, but she's smarter than a whip and I just love her. She's my Grandma W's younger sister. Same with Toni.. Toni's the baby girl of the family. Anyhow, Vera gave me a beautiful cross necklace to remember her by. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry.

It was a good vacation. We were gone for a week. Drove with my parents up through Cheyenne, Wyoming and came back down through southern Colorado. We did a lot of eating and a lot of driving, but I'd do it all over again just to see Vera. She is quite the character. She kept calling Kent, "My Kent," and told me to send him back to her on the train. Now all I hear at home is "when are you sending me back on the train?" Kent really wants to go see her again. She made quite the impression on him. I guess he made quite the impression on her, too.

Good times.

Now to just sit back and wait for the chaos to ensue from JR because we all know history has a way of repeating itself.

Triple Argh.

On another note... went to Chili's last night.. and after what we experienced.. I had to send this to their corporate office. So sad to see I won't be dining there anymore.

My husband and I went to Chili's last night for dinner. We arrived at 9:25 PM. By the time 9:45 PM rolled around, we ended up getting up and leaving the restaurant. Not once did we see a server or have a server come over to ask for our order, let alone a drink order. There were only two other tables occupied in the entire restaurant so it's not like the place was extremely busy. The only one standing around doing any work was the person behind the bar. Other than that, we saw absolutely no one during our 20 minute sit down. When we left, the hostess (who was working behind the bar) said "thank you," as if we did your business a service... but how could we give you our service when your restaurant doesn't have anyone around to serve us? Please do not contact us or send us a coupon of any sort. We are not going back to your restaurant no matter what. My parents had the exact same experience at the exact same Chili's two weeks ago and they warned us not to go. We thought it was just a one time fluke, but since this has happened to them and us on two separate occasions, we thought it best to let you know, and to let you know that you have lost 5 of your long standing customers forever.

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