I once had a life, or rather, life had me. I was one among many or at least I seemed to be....


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The world may never know.
Friday, May. 31, 2019 4:43 PM

Make sure your worst enemy doesn’t live between your two ears. – Laird Hamilton

I just applied for a job for the first time in years. It's for being a receptionist at my cat Haley's vet clinic. They have a need for a receptionist Wednesday, Thursday and Friday afternoons from 1 to 6. It's absolutely perfect for me, to a degree. Not only is it a laid back place and just around the block from where I live, but I absolutely love animals. The only drawback is that it's only Wed-Fri. The other drawback will probably be the pay. In order to supplement my income, I need a job that pays at least $13 an hour and can provide me 20+ hours a week. Ideally, I need a job that pays me $18 to $19, but it's hard to find a job that pays you that much for part-time work. And yes, I'm stuck looking for only a part time job because I still have to maintain the job I have right now - just part time instead of full time. I figured it was a start, though. I probably won't get hired, but it'll help me build up the nerve to start applying other places. I've been doing a lot of looking, but most of the jobs I'm qualified for want someone full time and I can't do full time. It's very messed up.

In other news, I stepped out of my comfort zone in a big way. I volunteered to be a judge for an adult spelling bee. It's where teams of adults dress up in costumes and take part in a spelling bee. I don't know much else about it, except that the short video they sent me made it look like a lot of fun. All the proceeds from the night go to help out a local charity that helps out the elderly, children and people who go hungry. The lady that normally does the judging has a conflict on the night they are holding it, so one of the lady's in charge reached out to my dad to see if he knew anybody and my dad recommended me. My anxiety is in overdrive, but I think if I can face this fear, it will help me face other social fears in the future. It's never as bad as I imagine it will be, but still that little bit of social anxiety torments me until I'm in the middle of doing the task I fear doing so much.

I finally bought some shelves for the garage. My parents helped me put them together. Now begins the task of taking everything out of the garage, sorting it all out, and putting it all back together again. I did go through some of the decoration bins in the garage because my sister Jenny's neighbor is having a garage sale. This way, maybe I can make about $20 from the junk I've collected over the years. If not, to the DAV it goes. I will no longer donate to Goodwill. I have my reasons but I won't list them here. I do need to get the bedroom set over to my aunt's house, but she needs to get rid of her old furniture to make room for this furniture. I just hope it doesn't take eons because I hate having things cluttering up my space even if it's not harming anything. It just messes severely with the OCD person living inside of me.

Speaking of the OCD person living inside of me.... she has returned now that I'm fully away from Kent and living the life of a single person again. All I do is clean and make sure everything is in it's place. I don't sit still or take a break if I know a task has to be done. It's like my brain won't allow me to rest until I know that task has been completed. I'm trying very hard to prioritize and put things on a to do list, but no matter how much I do that, I get distracted by the kitty litter on the floor and begin sweeping the entire house, or I go outside and start yanking up huge weeds until my leg and back muscles ache.

I did find inside one of my tubs a box I made from scrap wood and painted in grade school. Lately I've been doing a lot of DIY projects with my mom, and I think I'm a lot more like my Grandpa L. than I realize because he was like this, too. I was so lethargic for a long time, but I think the vyvanse medicine I'm on is making the real me come out and play. I like this version of me because I'm getting a lot done, but I wonder if I'll ever take time to relax and just enjoy solitude and sitting still again. The world may never know.

In 19 Seconds

Last Five Entries:

The world may never know. - Friday, May. 31, 2019
Rain... Rain... Rain... - Friday, May. 24, 2019
Life Update - Tuesday, May. 21, 2019
I had an epiphany! - Wednesday, Jan. 16, 2019
2019 Resolutions - Wednesday, Jan. 09, 2019


Other Diaries:

candikurlz | catsoul | cocoabean | curious-me
illusionless | kenny-loo | musikoid | poetinthesky
starkitten01 | Zenayda | jnw77 <-- My old Diary


You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

- Dr. Seuss